A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was just wondering how you get over a break up? I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years in January and it is still hurting. I know the break up was right for me as I am at Uni and the relationship was getting difficult to keep healthy and happy. We did get back together at one point but the arguments came back and I could feel myself becoming unhappy again. Thing is I pratically did everything with him and now I do nothing with him, we don't even speak. I miss him and all the things we used to do together. Is it true that only time is a healer? I did start to see someone else but it was just a distraction to keep myself from going crazy and it lasted only a few weeks. I just find myself missing him and just want to know what is the healthy way to over come all of this?Thanks for taking the time to read this xx
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 Time does heal wounds. Obviously one doesnt completely ever forget, but you just learn how to deal with it better. I realize that breaking up with someone who you love very much must be absolutely terrible. Why did you break up with him in the first place?
But you know what, 2 months isint really a very long time. You need to give yourself some more time and not just time, you need to work on yourself as well. Constantly thinking about him and pining for him will never help you. You broke up with him for a reason. Tell yourself that. You broke up because the relationship obviously wasnt working out. Of course you'll miss him, its only natural. But try and distract yourself in whatever way you can. Go out with friends, try something new that you've always wanted to,like a new hobby, volunteer at the local People for Animals if you're a pet lover.
You are a strong girl and you can do it. You will not feel bad for something that you know wasnt working out. You've said it yourself that it wasnt possible to keep the relationship healthy and happy. With time, patience and a strong will, you can get over this. Dont make the mistake of getting into a rebound relationship...it wont work out, it'l cause you even more pain and you'll end up complicating your life even more.
All the best!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): It sucks but you've got to constantly remind yourself why you are no longer together. I wouldn't date someone else when you're not over it yet, its not fair to yourself or to him. Fill up the lonely hours with friends or a new hobby. You'll be amazed, one day you'll get halfway through your morning without even thinking about him and you'll know you're starting to get over him. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (29 March 2011):
They say time is a healer, not: only time is a healer. There are loads of things that heal and the time it takes varies with each individual.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): I'm so sorry to hear about that. Normally a good rule of thumb is it takes half as long to get over it as you were in the relationship. Even though it seems like a long time now but by the time it gets there you will be just fine. What helps me get over break ups is to journal. Online or handwritten. Getting out all of your feelings will only help process them in your head better. Music also helps. If your angry listen to angry music and if your sad listen to sad music. Also allow yourself to feel the emotions. If you are upset and need to cry, cry; don't hold back because your trying to be strong. It will only build up inside of you until you burst.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011): Two things always get me through a break up. Staying strong and yes, giving it time. With time you will inevitably get right back on your feet and be doing just as well as before you met him. But time often drags on as you may know and that kind of time requires lots of strength, especially through the rough times when you will think of him and miss him and feel lonely. Whatever you do be strong. Your strength is what will get you through this.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (29 March 2011):
 hi yes i agree that time is definitely a healer. are you sure that your relationship was really so bad though? do you know beyond the shadow of any doubt that you SHOULD be apart?if you are sure of this; the way (i think) to get over someone is this: make a list of all his bad points, read it to yourself whenever you feel you want him back. do things to take your mind off him whenever you start to miss him. see your friends as much as you can, plan things to do with them in the future (a holiday, trip, nights out etc) look after yourself physically - get exercise, eat well, drink plenty of water. if you feel healthy this will help to stop you feeling depressed.accept the fact that it is natural to grieve, don't beat yourself up about this - it will take as long as it takes. you both (for whatever reasons) could not make the relationship work AND you have also lost him as a friend too. it is only natural to miss him now, and four years is a long time to be with someonebest wishes xx
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (29 March 2011):
 January probably seems like a long time, but with an involved relationship, you need to allow yourself a little bit more space than that before getting into dating again. Time is very important to the healing process, but you also have to be a proactive member in that. You have to will yourself to be getting better and moving forward, not just expect time to do all the work. Don't dwell on the past and allow yourself to feel better. You have to tell yourself it's okay to move on and it's okay to be happy and have fun. You may be blocking yourself a little bit. On the flipside, you also have to give yourself the time to grieve and heal. Don't get into another relationship for a while. It isn't fair to either the new guy or you, and you won't be able to heal properly if you use "Band-Aid Boys" as distractions. Band-Aids cover up wounds but don't give them air to properly heal. Care, as well as time, will help your wounds heal strong.Best of Luck and feel better
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