A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im in love with someone who is 30yrs older than me, is it possible for people with such different time gaps to be in a serious long term relationship..any thoughts on this much appreciated xxxx ty Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chick989 +, writes (15 December 2009):
what was the outcome between the two of you?i'm 18 with a man of 50, we've been together a year now. Things have been far from easy but we are in love more now then ever and i couldn't imagine life without himx
A
female
reader, vickyessex +, writes (20 May 2007):
 Im in a relationship with a 39yr age gap and it works perfectly!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2007): there is 34 years between me and my partner. he has 2 children from a previous relationship and and we have 1 together we have an excellent relationship and are madley in love, we have never lost the honeymoon period after 20 years together our love for one another grows with time. when we first got together i was only 18 and had our baby when i was 19. i think if you love someone age does not matter and we are living proof that it does work. My parents went mad and i lost a lot of contact but that's swings and roundabouts, I'm afraid it hurt me but his love made up for that. hope you happy whatever you choose xx
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male
reader, Say It Straight +, writes (22 April 2007):
Hey, Sue
Most of what you say could relate to problems in any relationship, I know some people in their twenties that are more set in thier ways than some of the fifty year olds that i know.
Relationships have problems, there is no shch thing as a perpect relationship, and those who say they have are just good liars, denying the truth is the first steps to a breakup, every relationship has its problems and it is the way you face them that denotes the success you will have, age is a problem if you let it become one but so is everything else.
To the person who wrote this post, GOOD LUCK, if you love someone and are happy, then dont let anyone else tell you you are wrong, this relationship could fall apart for a million and one reasons, but it might just be the one that you will be happy with for the rest of your life, only you know this in your heart and hell the worst you could be is wrong,
I am in a relationship with a beautiful girl 22 years younger than me, i am happier now than i have ever been, i hope i can make her the happiest girl in the world and will love her forever, am i wrong?? i dont think you are, but thankyou for asking our advise, these things make us all look at our own situations and in my case thank my lucky stars that i am here and alive and doing what i'm doing
Thanks
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A
female
reader, sue.h1 +, writes (21 April 2007):
hi there ive just looked closely at your post and all the replies given but no one seems to take into account that your only 20 and your partner is 50 ok so not such a big deal mow but what if you dont want kids till your 30 he will be 60 and although he may be a great dad at 60 he will probably not want any of the pubs you use now as a local friday night disco he will in 10 years changed to one that he plays dominoes in of a dinner time and the weekly salary he draws now will change into a weekly pension im not against age gap relationships but when your 50 he will be 80 and you have all the looking after the incontinence etc that goes with it (and for all you that think im being stupid i have worked in the care profession all my life and seen an 80 year old body compared to that of a 50 year old) do you think that you have enough in common to keep you together till he is 90 what are your music tastes like do you both like reading puzzles cooking etc cause your tastes will change he will want to go to bed earlier so no late nights with your work mates at the club can you stand to be asked every time you go out is that your dad there are just some of the questions you need to ask yourself cause when you commit that will be it for life you need to take a long hard look cause it wont be that easy at all the age gap thing is getting easier but not when your 40 with a man of 70 as your hubby sitting on a commode think about it wishing you luck and tellng you straight me xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Well, you are a legal adult, anon., you can make your own decision. You say you are in love with this person. Is he (assuming it is a 'he' as you don't say) in love with you as well, or is this all on your part? You leave much out of your question, so it is difficult to give an answer. At your age, and I don't mean to be condescending, many young women are infatuated with an admired older person. They call it "love", often not really knowing what love is and what it entails. This person could well be older than your parents. There are many reasons why older men are attracted to girls (pardon me, young women) your age. I am not sure the word "love" applies here either. You just don't give enough info about him. And you don't say what you mean by "long term relationship",...many years? a few years? Why don't you post back with more information about yourself and the 'loved one' in question?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): To female anon below, you contradicted yourself in your answer. You said "People with such big age gaps can have lasting relationships" then say that she should find someone around her age, but don't give a reason why.
I thought about this further and think that despite age gaps of this degree, it also really depends on the goals of the people involved. I have known women around the age of 23 to 25 in relationships with men in their 40's to 50's. Both brought up from wealthy old-money families that has given them both upbringings of greater knowledge, open minds, and the willingness to explore and adventure.
I find that refined, mature, and compassionate young women who prefer much older, refined, mature, and compassionate men have something very much in common, even if one or the both of them do not come from prominent families. That common thing would be their mentalities and personal interests.
A great example would be my 60+ year old former high school counsellor turned friend and his wife who is about 35 years old. His early history was a part of the anti-apartheid movement in South Africa when Nelson Mandela was a prisoner. He has gone through quite a lot and have seen just as much, even more throughout his years. Built orphanages, taught children without receiving a single penny, lead the Fuzzy Toques - a club to expand the minds of teenagers at our school, has contributed vastly to various charities, has an aged eye for art and their artists, and so on and so forth. He is quite a charming and very stable person, very intelligent and a great speaker to his friends and foes the like. 8]
SHE, meaning the wife was an art teacher, whom I had the fortune of being a student of. She reminded me of a much younger version of him, and possibly even a much more naive version of him. Very considerate, fit in mental and physical, creative, stands up for her beliefs and others who need to help, has organised many charities, and so on and so forth. They met, dated, fell in love, and got married and since then have had two children both very positive and always asking questions - though a bit shy the older sister is, she seems to have strength of her parents, and a charm of her own.
Anyway, obviously, not every big age gap relationship may work, but like my friends Graeme and Sandy, well, yeah... It's nice to see families like that work out. 8]
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): People with such big age gaps can have lasting relationships but i think that you should find someone closer to your own age. After all, you are only young.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): Oh yes definitely. My uncle, then 46, got married to his wife, then 23, and since then have had two kids. Mind you, they have a more traditional type of marriage, and are in the slow process of working out problems because of this traditionalism they have been brought up to have.
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female
reader, xkittycatx  +, writes (21 April 2007):
i had a realtionship with someone older like 30 yrs age gap and i thought i really loved them but then i got over it at the time you think your very much in love and you never want it to end thats what i thought and now i really regret it and its always guna b in your head and it will never go away dont do it find someone your age plz
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2007): hi hun, there is 22years between me and my parntner.The problems we have faced are other people and there opinions.All i can say is love will work if your true to who you are. all the best
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