A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've always been highly skeptical of the love at first sight discussions. Or the 'when you met the one, you'll know' theories. And then it happened to me, a few months before I am leaving the country. At first it was a whirlwind of coincide about how much we had in common, how crazy these feelings were so soon, and within two days of knowing each other we had the 'but you're leaving, what do we do' conversation. We decided to sleep on it, to see. We've both been in hurtful relationship situations in the past and are keen to get it right, and not to put ourselves through that again. We had a few days of thinking. After discussions with friends I decided that this man was one in a million, and worth taking a chance on - 'seeing how it goes'. He had come to the opposite conclusion. He said he cannot do the long distance relationship thing (which would be on and off for two years), and we need to stop before we fall any further into each other and break each others hearts. He wanted to try to be friends. After some philosophical thinking around the issue I realised that I couldn't lose him and I had to try. My mum tells me this is how relationships begin, get to know people, things happen for a reason, but I'm so skeptical and so scared. I've never felt like this before and I'm scared that I wont be able to make it work. We've only known each other a little bit. We have a quiet platonic evening of talking/dinner planned this week as an experiment. Is it possible? Do I just need to stay away from him and pretend he never happened? Now all my friends are saying (except my mum) that this is a bad idea and just step away. But I don't want to. I can't imagine meeting someone like this again for a very very long time. Please help me with some advice.
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male
reader, j321  +, writes (18 May 2011):
Men are logical creatures, we think with our heads first and then let our hearts take control. He is terrified about a long distant relationship and does not want to get hurt. If you really want him think about how you can make the commitment to him first and then talk to him about it. Help to see that you are not going to be fickle about your decision and that you really want to give this a go for real. Keep in mind he probably does not think he can handle a long distant relationship without his heart getting split into a million directions.
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