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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My ex and I started contact few days ago because I found out he has a new girlfriend after we broke up. I told him I was sad and never wanted to know who the girl is and anything about them. He came back to me 3 months after dumping me, but I didn't want. He told me he's not over me yet and he's just trying to move on. We both cried because I'm not over him either. He said he loves me and he will always love me. I'm always the best girlfriend that got away. No matter what girlfriend he has, no one will be as good as me. I asked if he loves his girlfriend, he didn't answer. Is it possible that he still loves me but never wants me back? Or was he just saying what I want to hear?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2014):
 He RUN away ? I guess that's clearly a no. Sorry OP, well, at least now you know and you can start moving on for real.
So, to answer your questions: why was he saying etc.etc. Because talk is cheap, OP. Everybody can talk, and some people LOVE saying big words and laying it on very thick, as long as it costs them nothing : no effort, no change, no committment , no choice. They do it because they are natural born liars and manipulators, they do it because they want to feel good about themselves and make you feel good and not think badly of them, they do it out of personal gain . For instance, like, keeping hooked an ex with whom they don't want to restart a relationship, but who could always come handy between relationships, or in a period of sexual draught. AS you may remember, I told you that his everlasting love declarations had to be taken with a pinch of salt anyway, because love is what you DO, not what you say. He loved you so so much,... then at the first fight he ups and disappear ? Uhm. Love would stay, and would work not just to make peace , but to remove the causes that brought to the fight.
As for his current gf, how would she know what he told you, unless you are planning to rat him out to her ? Or to blabber what he told you left and right, in the hope it may get to her through common aquaintances ?..I hope you are not planning to do anything similar ... Anyway, if she should get wind of his love words to you.... I think he probably would say that you are misinterpreting , or even inventing ! everything, because you want to break them up and get back with him. He'd probably blame it on you , because you are " obsessed with him " and such... and she would believe him, because, - and you know because you are a case in point- we always are inclined to believe what's more flattering and convenient for us to believe, even in lack of evidence.
But, why even asking these questions ? They won't help you move on, in fact they'll keep you stuck in the past. Accept that he is gone, cut contact, think about your life and how to make it happy, and stop wondering about his. Accept that the love that was there ( it probably WAS there at some point, I am not saying he just pretended all along ) was not deep or strong enough, and call yourself lucky because if this guy 's love is so fickle and capricious, you can definitely aspire to something better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): This is from OP
So i asked him if he would come back if i wanted him to, he didnt say a word and ran away. Its exactly the same way as he dumped me few months ago. He still said he loved me before we broke up then a fews days later we had a huge fight, he walked away of my life without saying a word and went no contact. Apparently he lied. Its like he hurt me again with the same way. I feel like a big rock hitting on my toes,now im awake. I think it will help me move on faster since i know the truth.
But im just wondering why he kept saying hes not over me and will always love me and no other gfs will be as good as me? Isnt he afraid that hid gf will be pissed and break up with him if she knows that her bf is telling his ex he loves her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2014): He may love you; but he's no longer in-love with you.
Somehow I'm picking up the possibility he is telling you what you want to hear; in order to help you to move on. It isn't helping.
You aren't making any effort to detach. You're holding on to the false-hope that you'll get back together someday.
You're allowing precious time to get away from you. Holding on to the past; and trying to get him back through pity.
You are suffering; because you can't let go. You will be miserable as long as you keep convincing yourself he still wants you. If he wanted you, there wouldn't be another woman in his life right now.
He wouldn't say he loves the other girl, calling himself sparing your feelings. I find that so condescending. As if you're some silly little teenage girl; infatuated with the "big man." He has moved on big time, my dear! BIG TIME!!!
I think it's time you get a grip on things, and get on with your life. You need to leave him alone and stop feeding on his sympathy. He thinks you're pitiful; and that's really beneath your dignity.
Try hard to find the strength to let go and get through the grief. The loss hurts; and you keep re-opening the old wound by staying in contact; and dragging your heart through the mud. Following-up on how his feelings are developing for someone else; and forcing him to lie comfort you. Yes, lie!
He has fully moved on, and he is pandering to you like a pathetic child. Do you really deserve that from him?
Get back on track. Restart your recovery from the breakup; and run the full range of emotions, until they fade away.
You can't get over him, until you stop contacting him.I don't believe he contacted you first. I know better than that. You give yourself away in every word of your post.
Even if he was first, you keep it going. You need to hear him say he loves you. So much, that he's with another woman.
He doesn't want you back. You're the one clinging on, not him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 He can only love someone he can't have. So the only way to make sure if continues to "love" you is to not get back together. I think he told you what you want to hear because he wants to test out how much you are willing to become his sexual partner once his other relationships don't work out. I am not saying you are the kind of woman that make men do that to you. I think a break up artist always keeps a woman on edge and triggers her nurturing, pitying side. I bet he would say anything to his girlfriend such as his ex (you) is problematic and is trying to get in the way of them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 January 2014):
Uhm. If he loved you so much , why did he dump you in the first place ? I'd think that if you love somebody, and love her so much that you feel you will ALWAYS love her no matter what, then you'd do all you can to keep her in your life, working out and overcoming any problems / difficulties / arguments there might have been, including big ones.
Reason for which, I'd take what he says with a pinch of salt, and would be inclined to file it under " tells what he wants you to hear " or " got caught in an emotional moment ".
Then again, it is also true that at times people make dumb mistakes and make bad decisions which they regret later. Your bf asked you back after 3 months, and you said no. So, I think the ball is in your court now. You got your chance and turned it down. So if now a) you have changed your mind- b) you are sure you still love him - c) you are sure he still loves you, or at least that's what he says - why don't you just ask him to come back to you ? So, you will have your answer. If he meant business, he will leave his rebound girl ( indirectly doing her a favour because it's never nice to be the rebound ) and will get back with you. If he was just bullshitting, he will stay with the new girl, so this will be hopefully the spur for you to move on too for real.
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A
male
reader, Gauntlet  +, writes (5 January 2014):
 You answered your own question (as it is often the case): he's just saying what you want to hear.
What for ? Who knows, maybe in order to get you at hand, when needed ? Anyway, your "love" story is dead, wanting to re-animate that link has the same meaning than making a corpse walk. Who loves zombies ?
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