A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been involved in a long distance relationship for a little over a year. Everything has been fine until recently. She was studying for finals and informed me not to try to reach her until it was over, due to her busy schedule. She would occasionally contact me and over the last month I had forgotten that she told me that emails send an alert to her phone which she can't turn off in case her son has an emergency. I was texting her one night when she stopped responding, knowing that she was working almost 20 hours a day the weather in her area was horrible and she had just gotten a new vehicle, I became concerned. I started sending her an email a day asking for at least some form of reply so I would know she was okay, when she finally did respond it was an email to tell me that I had woken her up yet again, she hadn't contacted me because she was mad and didn't want to yell, and since I had forgotten how annoying she had said such activities would be, I never listen to her and why should she talk to someone who doesn't listen? I don't want to contact her again while she doesn't want to speak to me, as that would only add to the problem. I would like to know if there is a way to tell if our relationship is over, or if we are just fighting because I screwed up badly at a time when she did not need distractions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your input it sucks now, and would have been much easier if she would have just told me earlier. But you play the hand you are dealt and hope for the best
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem now is, not having received an official "its over" statement from her, I have a strong desire to attempt to verify for better or worse. My suspicion is that if she hasn't had enough time, an attempt on my part after a promise not to try to reach her until she informed me that the coast was clear would not only be a failure to keep my word but a strong push in the direction I fear it may have already gone. On the other hand, if it is over, while I would rather it not be I feel I have the right to that knowledge so that I can start to move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhile I appreciate the input, I believe my answer from her is slightly different. I sent a reply to her email (this was back around Thanksgiving) saying basically that I apologized, and that if she believed I didn't listen, then she was right in that she shouldn't have to talk to someone who wouldn't listen. I expressed a desire to attend her graduation as was planned before this went down, but that I would need and indication from her that I was still welcome as I didn't want to be somewhere that I was not welcome. The graduation is this weekend and I believe her lack of contact now that finals are over is an answer, while not the one I had hoped for.
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female
reader, SoftlyCaress  +, writes (18 December 2008):
 You can always send her some flowers and ask her to forgive you and then ask her to just let you know when her exams are over .. Sometimes when someone does something us gals dont like we say things that we dont mean and later we regret but just like you men we are afraid to contact in case the person is mad or dont want to be bothered still yet.So just think of a way of saying im sorry with out text or calling there are plenty of ways to do it ........
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): It's not over until she tells you it's over. Wait until she is done with her finals and then make a time to listen to her.
Ask her. Listen. Wait and see. Maybe it's over, maybe it's not.
If calling or emailing is waking her up...get paper and write or print a letter, get stamps/postage and envelopes and write a real letter to her. Do not call her and do not email her.
I once had a boyfriend who called at really bad times-I took my phone off the hook-I did not have a cell, and I could turn it off.It was over because we had irreconcilable differences over faith/religion/spirituality. If you are compatible with her in that area, I think you may still have a chance. Just listen more, and do what she asks you to do. Stop forgetting-leave yourself reminders.
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