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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: is it normal to fantasize my wife having sex with other guys? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2020): Here is a link to a good article on the subject. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/201602/what-secret-male-sexual-fantasy-is-surprisingly-common
My belief is that it is just the way you’re wired. I think most humans have their own kinks, meaning nothing other than that which others would find taboo.
It is rare that fantasies like this would translate into real life very well and probably a lot of women would not even like to know her man is even thinking this. A lot of women will embrace it as a shared fantasy. Be very careful what you do with this fantasy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2020): I get that. 12 years ago My wife and I were lifeguards living together crammed into a beach house rental with other lifeguards. Her and her then boyfrien had Olympic quality sex at 3 AM one night while I pretended to be sleeping. 2 years ago we had a late Sep reunion in the same house. Couldn't help fantasizing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2020): I think it's more common than most people think. To be blunt; I've always fantasized about it with all of my previous girlfriends and current wife. In fact when one of my exes cheated on me I fantasized about her being with the guy she cheated with! But everyone else is right, its the kind of thing that should be kept as that; just a fantasy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2020): You are a cuckhold. If you share it with your wife and push her to do it you will lose her respect and love and maybe her too. Talking to her as if she is a prostitute / object / piece of meat is hardly going to help your marriage. And if she wanted to have sex with other guys I am quite sure she could find some that suit her without your help - and charge them for the privilege. I know one couple - now in their 60s, who have been married for forty odd years where she has often had sex with other guys and he sits and watches. Most wives would be furious and disgusted at this idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2020): I would think it occurs from time to time, but can't say I've heard of any surveys taken about it. If it goes through your mind, don't let it take residence.
I wouldn't recommend acting on that kind of fantasy; because the idea is usually better than the reality.
Offering your spouse to another man is also subjecting her emotions to random outsiders. Being human, she might find someone more compatible and loveable. She could meet someone less inclined to act-out their wild-fantasies; where she is objectified and exploited. Used as an actor in his live-porn shows.
I'd be concerned, if she was too eager to please you that way! In case you've been obsessing on the idea.
I would think the odds of finding your own replacement is pretty good. Then you have to wonder if she might go freelancing? It's like giving her permission to date, and go-out to find your competition. You might get-off on the raunchy-visuals; but the discovery of unauthorized or covert interactions between her and other men might well become the future shock of your life! The devil doesn't play fair, he sticks ideas in your head that only he benefits from!
Let it stay in fantasyland! Better yet, fuggedaboutit!!!
Reality is what you can't always control or foresee. Sexual-fantasies fade and flee. Better to entertain only those scenarios that include only you and your wife, and no other players! It's letting the fox in the hen house!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2020): It's probably more common than you think but rarely acted on. My husband has 2 left feet and I dance with other guys at clubs. At first he was jealous, but he's sort of cool with it now -- too cool. He said he walked in on an old girlfriend having sex with some guy. He hit the roof but forgave her, then became aroused by the memory after they broke up.
This is out of the box stuff here. For Halloween party he got a movie-star mask. We have a top secret stash of our homemade porn. For one of our episodes he put the mask on. It looks like I'm doing it with some other guy. He's amused and a little aroused, but I'm totally.
Have fun with the fantasy, but keep it one. Clue her if you think she'd be into it like me, don't if she's not. We're a little weird.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 December 2020):
 I agree with Code Warrior.
I don't know how common it is, but it's not good for a marriage if one partner has the notion that they want to watch their partner have sex with others.
Fantasy and reality are two VERY different things.
In your fantasy you can control everything. In reality you can not.
I think many women who participate in this are feeling like their husbands think they are worthless, just fodder for HIS porn fantasies because it's NOT about her, she is just a prop. I can't imagine many women marring someone BECAUSE they want to screw other men. Which means, it leads to divorce or affairs. Or both. Not because these women feel like they get a free pass, but they want to be ACTUALLY loved. If my husband wanted me to have sex with other men, I would feel utterly unloved by him. It's basically a: "go fuck yourself, but tell me all about it or let me watch..." I mean for real?
Whether it is "normal" is irrelevant. What you need to consider IS IT good for my marriage. The answer in most cases is, no.
And how do you think you would feel, if you watch a guy who is a better lover than you? Or she FALLS for one of these men?
Porn is not reality either.
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