A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been going out for about ten months, and I love him alot (even if it's not romantically it's as a best friend). However, whenever he tries to finger me, i only seem get partially aroused. He thinks it's because I'm anaemic and I get tired quickly. I am sexually attracted to him and there's nothing wrong with what he's doing. But I think it's upsetting him and he's blaming himself for this. Is there any way that we can fix this?
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female
reader, peace-and-love  +, writes (8 June 2008):
Try other things than fingering - it may not be the thing for you. Get him to give you a full body massage and touch every part of you - get him to touch your erogenous zones and make you really relaxed. If you get tired easily try having sex in the morning or when you're not so tired. Try not to think about the problems you have, just about what he's doing and get him to tell you how beautiful you are and how much he likes touching you - quite often feeling loved is the best turn on :P
Another idea is to try other activities like oral, intercourse or anal - I'm sure there'll be something to excite you both ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I have this problem sometimes, which only gets worse, it goes like this:
1 time where I only got partially aroused;
the next time i am worried that it will happen again; i overthink it, dont relax and am unable to get aroused.
the next time, i worry that it has happened twice and think he will notice and get upset by it, arousal as a result is again impossible!
vicious circle! the same happens to men. talk to him and reassure him that you do find him sexually attractive, Then you can work on this. to take the pressure off you, i strongly some baby oil or lube 'down there!' its fun even if you can get aroused fully and feels great when he uses it on you. (and him for that matter!) take your time and relax.
as for being anemic, you should go to your doctor for this. if not for the sex then for health reasons. just to remove the possibility so you can concentrate on sex. or i you are anemic, then help would be provided!
good luck
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A
female
reader, jennlynn27  +, writes (8 June 2008):
 I think you should relax and enjoy the moment don't think to much about getting off. and maybe spice things up a little. expieriment with different things.
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A
female
reader, DearKiki +, writes (8 June 2008):
 Are you sure you are sexually attracted to him? Have you thought that maybe you are starting to only see him as a friend as maybe that is why you cant get properly aroused...However, i am anaemic and did have the same problem, it was as if part/ most of my sex drive had vanished. I was/ am also so tierd and feel as if i have not alot of engery alot of the time. But my sex drive vanished when i was with my boyfriend and it got to the point where i couldnt have sex with him at all. In the end i ended it with him because I couldnt, and i thought it was because i was so ill.But i have new boyfriend now and even though i am still anaemic, its like im back to normal. So it must have been that i just didnt feel for my ex how much i thought i did.Now i can get arounsed properly and have sex without wanting to stop half way through.I just think you need to think whether you love him just as a friend...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I suggest you should try and relax, not concentrate on what should happen and what not. Eventually you are so stressed that you cannot relax and enjoy. Just forget about what should happen and enjoy the sensation and relax. Not all of us are aroused quickly. Be patient with yourself and enjoy!
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