A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Do you think apologising to an ex on a text is a good idea? I have a terrible conscience and even though i know we broke up for all good reasons, him admitting he wouldn't change, and a few other stuff, what i regret is the attitude i had when we split up.I did all the chasing, and i also did all the breaking up. I don't regret breaking up, but what i do regret is the words i used, and the harsh way in which i said it. It was not my usual behaviour, i'd been hurt and upset, and was determined to get my point across and all i succeeded in was feeling shitty.His sister has been kind and said that i should text him, because she knows what he is like. Its taken me a while to think whether i should apologise. I mean i do miss him, because i did love him, but because he wasn't willing to change, i wasn't willing to stay and i didn't want to change him myself. So should i text and apologise. It is not to encourage him to forgive me, maybe he won't, but i'd like to say sorry and to know i have.I know some of you are going to say that i just want to ease my conscience and i don't want people throwing that at my head. I want some genuine advice.Thank you
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 April 2011):
 I agree with all the other Aunts, DONT CONTACT HIM!!!You still have feelings for the guy, it's obvious, and you may be able to fool yourself that you are doing it to clear your conscience but really all you want is to contact him to see if there is a chance he will take you back.Don't take any advice from his sister or any of his family because they are biased towards him and won't be thinking about how it could affect you.You have made a break for a reason, you cannot change anything about that reason so you just need to cut it dead and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): It's never a bad idea to apologize if you are sincerely remorseful and you expect nothing in return...however, it's a better idea to do it face to face, never via text.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (10 April 2011):
 If its not to ease your conscience then I presume its to make him feel better... best way to do that is stay out of contact with him. Seeing as he was the one that was dumped, there's a good chance that apologizing won't make him feel better, its more likely to open fresh wounds if you ask me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): I agree- there's a strong reason here, let it go and DO NOT get in touch with him. You've taken the hard step and broken it off. Keep it that way, and do not get re-drawn into a dialog about your relationship. You stand a very strong chance of getting back together and then having to go through all this AGAIN.
And BTW, you can NOT change this guy- it's IMPOSSIBLE! (you wrote:i wasn't willing to stay and i didn't want to change him myself). YOU CAN NOT CHANGE PEOPLE- you can go crazy trying, you can drive them crazy, but you can't change them.
Let it go, and quit taking advice from his sister.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011): Seems like you are still doing the chasing and are looking for reasons to contact him to see if he'll want to change, not to ease your conscience.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (10 April 2011):
you broke up for a reason. so no dont text/communicate at all
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