A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been together just under a year now.we have had a lot of ups and downs, and although all the great times we have shared outweigh the arguments, it's beginning to get too much. He is my 5th serious relationship and sexual partner, however i am his first on both counts.Although i stayed friends with all my ex's before meeting this guy, i now have no contact with them as it caused too many arguments between us, however this is not the problem. Even though i have sacrificed all these friendships and do everything i can to make him happy it still doesn't feel enough.He always questions me about my past and makes me feel guilty about having past relationships, i can see he is trying so hard not to do this and it has got a lot better but last night he admitted that sometimes he does hurt me (emotionally) intentionally because he envies me and the fact that i have a past.he says he doesnt want to lose me and that he just needs to try and get past this, but that he wishes he'd had more experience with women before he met me so he would feel more 'equal'. I don't know what to do, i love him so much and know that if i stopped being selfish for a minute the right thing to do would be to let him go, let him be with other people, but it breaks my heart.He says if we ever did split up, he knows one day he'll find me again because we are 'made for each other' but i think it would hurt me too much knowing he's been with all these other people just to come back to me to make it even.Please help, any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated. thankyou x
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You know, if I go shopping for pants, and find a pair that fits, I don't go and buy a pair that does not. If you two love each other, then why is your past his focus. I understand this jealousy, but I don't understand why he would need to have equal experience with other girls. You two are together, therefore it's time for your experience, no matter what either of you did or did not do in the past. That's really irrelevant to your relationship. What would happen if everyone wanted equal experience with who they're with? I mean it, "I've been with 3, you've been with 4, give me a week to catch up." What truth would being even bring to the relationship, other than stating it was.
Your past is your past, and is not part of or happening during your relationship. In order for your relationship to be successful, everything from before you two met needs to not become an issue to your present experience together. If he were to leave, every moment he is gone takes away from another moment for you two to share another experience together. If your love is true, how can that be justified as being okay? You two are the present. Learn together, experience together, and grow together. He could go out and get any amount of experience, and non of it will make a difference to you two when you're together. It's almost as if you can say it was really done for no reason, other than to feed his ego.
Sit and talk about what you two really want. If it's you he chooses and says he wants, then focus on your past needs to come to an end. I hope this helps, take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010): Is he really your soulmate?
No, he's just some insecure guy who is trying to make you feel guilty because he's jealous, possessive and controlling.
Dump him.
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