A
female
age
36-40,
*intogal287
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together for 3.5 years, and live together now with 2 cats. he recently broke up with me. He says he wants space, but doesn't know if he wants things to work out because he thinks they can't. I want him to try one last time, and see everything we used to have in our relationship. It used to be great, but have had a rough couple of months. Is he lieing to me, really not know what he wants or does he truly want it to work but think it can't?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2008): Well babe, there is not alot of information here on what the issues might be in your relationship, but I am going to say that if you have been together for 3.5 years that means you were about 17 and a half when you started.
People change at that age quite alot and they grow apart. My gut feeling is that your boyfriend asking for space and telling you he doesn't think it will work out means that it is truly over, you two have outgrown each other. Instead of feeling bad, internalizing this as if there is something wrong with you or with him, try to understand that it is often a part of life. We all have to grow, we all have to make decisions and sometimes they are the right ones and sometimes it is the best we can do at the time. Instead be grateful for the imprint on your heart that this relationship has made, you know how it feels to be loved, you need to hold onto that and find it in someone else at the right time in your life. Don't hold it against him that he may not be at a place in his life or at a maturity level to be able to take responsibility for your happiness and for a solid relationship, maybe he wants to be single for awhile as he met you when very young and he needs to figure out who he is as a person without you. You may benefit from doing the same. This dosn't mean that you can't find each other later on, but most likely you will have moved on chosen a different path and perhaps found someone else who makes you happy.
Don't fret, let him go with love and wish him well and realize that you are now free to live your life as you see fit and free to make your own choices without considering him...this may be a blessing that you are unwilling to see for yourself. Take care, all will work out in the end, you'll see.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): In most cases he is probably finding out that after 3.5 years the relationship persay may not be what he wants for the rest of his life. He could need some major thinking time alone to figure out what he truly wants. Do not pressure him or bother him or hes only going to push you further and further away. Space is a must here, and by this "space" thing every one is talking about that means no contact!! Don't call him or message him via the world wide web, nor do not show up at random places you know that he is going to be. Disapeer out of his life and let him come back to you. If he comes back mend the relationship and if he doesn't then it wasnt meant to be and move on with your life. Besides the relationship used to be great, was that your opinion or his? Don't pressure him into trying, who knows he could have been "trying" all along to make things work and came down to a conclusion that this is the end. Why would you want to be with someone who doesnt want to be with you? .... Let him go, no contact. Chances are he could possibly miss you and come back.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Maybe it's the cats.......Sorry, had to do that.I'm afraid that there isn't much you can do, except give him space. He'll come round, and if he doesn't then he wasn't really worth it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): You love somebody set them free;
if they come back to you
it is yours
if not
it was not meant to be!
Don' try and persuade this guy to give it one more tyd; no matter how difficult; give him his space and freedom;
why hang on a little longer; get him more annoyed and frustrated; rather let it be;
Yes, it will be difficult, but the sooner you let him go; the sooner he can find out; what does he really want; he might discover he is really missing you;
You have to let go; that is the only way the two of you have any chance of trying to work things out.
Best wishes.
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A
female
reader, BigSis  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hello Pintogal,
Why not have a go at giving him that space he needs. You've heard the saying, 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. Let him sort his head out. Chance it. It might just be a temporary thing, but until you try, you wont know.
I can fully understand how you must be feeling right now, three and a half years is a long time, and you sound like you had a cosy little thing going there, with your cats as well. A proper little family.
Might I suggest you don't put too much pressure on him, or he'll begin to feel he'll need even more space. Just ask him to be truthful with you, and if you're satisfied with his answer, then agree to that space he's asking for. That's what I would do. It'll hurt, but I think it's the best sollution for you.
Best of luck to you my luv.
BigSis
xXx
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