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female
,
anonymous
writes: Is he just confused or using me??I was seeing this guy for a short time not long ago, he initiated the relationship, all our dates, and he was really into me, and our relationship was pretty intense quite quickly but in an emotional way we didnt become physical for a while. Then all of a sudden he just freaked, cancelled a trip away he had booked, said he couldnt handle it, he adored me but he couldnt cope with a relationship right now. He has a few career issues but other than that there is no problem, Anyway we are now seeing eachother again in a casual way, totally instigated by him. I just cant work out if he's just using me or if its all he can manage right now and doesnt want to lose me. He says he thinks about me all day and he is constantly worrying about messing me about but other than that we are both keeping an emotional distance now. And having much less contact than before. Ive said maybe he should have a casual relationship with someone less complicated (ie not someone he's emotionally involved with) but he doesnt want to. What do you think?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2007): Hmmm, very interesting. He thinks about you all day, but is constantly worried about messing you about.
It sounds like he is not committed to having an exclusive relationship with you, he may be stringing you along, but that is often what "dating" someone feels like, relationships don't just magically happen in a few short dates and sometimes take months to get off of the ground.
One way you could find out his true motivations and feelings, is to make yourself much less available, and react the way he reacts and do what he does to you. If he takes 24 hours to return a call, take two days to return one of his. Don't drop everything to go out on a date with him....if he does not call you early enough to make plan for a date, then don't accept his invitation. Make him work for access to you....It is human nature to want what we can't have.
I think it is easy for us aunts to just decide that someone is just stringing you along, but we don't really know either of you.....I think it would be much more responsible if we told you some advice on how to handle this man in your life, and eventually you won't be asking this question, you will just know if he is into you by whether or not he steps up to the plate and pursues you, adores you and asks you for a relationship.
Don't you bring it up first, don't make the mistake of behaving like a girlfriend when he has not asked you to be his girl....be his friend first and who knows, let the relationship take it's course....and don't stop dating other men.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): The way he freaked out was not a good sign. It just tells you
one thing : he cares about you (maybe as a friend) , but he
is definitly not in love with you.
Would you freak out if your guy tells you he wants to be emotionally involved with you and take the relationship to the next level? You wouldn't , right ?
Actually he already gave you the info you need, he is not
ready now means he will never be ready , and it also means
he is not ready for "you", but ready for someone else.
All guys do that (I've met a few), they string you along,
while looking somewhere else in the mean time, he will do
everything to keep you around , because he really really
doesn't want to lose you , he just doesn't love you , that's
all.
I agree with Irish49, you should do the same , date other man, and string him along . Don't wait around.
Best wishes and good luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2007): No he doesn't need someone less complicated because you aren't at all complicated-- but he is! Sometimes, I think us gals are better off finding someone less complicated. When I hear of fellows like this, I often wonder if women should just state, "I want more from you but you aren't capable of that. So perhaps, I should just get on with my own life and you can give me a call when you have your head sorted out" Much easier said than done, isn't it? That's the problem with us gals..we, ourselves get too dang emotionally involved and our heads get into a muddle. All is controlled by feelings, not rationale thought and pride. Sounds like you really are emotionally involved or you would have left this scenario and sought someone who can give you what you want. Dear, he sounds like he has some committment phobic' traits. My advice, don't wait around. Get out and date other people but be honest and let him know that. If he was feeling love here, he's be moving mountains to be by your side because all men want the same as women do. They want love..everyone does. When a guy hedges, it means he's not ready for a giving, committed relationship...plain and simple. He wants to keeping you hangin'...don't let him do that...that's unfair to you. Move on, sweets. He's stringing you along.
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