A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately I've been having sexual intercourse with someone all the time who happens to be my ex. Me and him were together for about a year, but then he broke up with me because he didn't want to be "tied down", and just wanted to remain friends with benefits. Is it wrong to just have sex with him? I've been told, and also been getting the feeling me that he's just using me for his "pleasure", but I'm almost doing the same thing to him. I would just go to someone else to date and have a relationship with, but it seems hard to find someone who I'd feel comfortable to have sex with, my ex is the one who took my virginity so I'm scared to experience it with someone else. I'm so confused if I should just let him go, or just to continue what I'm doing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008): The thing is, does he care for you as a friend? It doesn't seem like he respects you a whole lot and you shouldn't degrade yourself by being his booty call. Your a lot better than that.
Im a fan of the 'friends with bens' situation but not everyone can do it because of residual feelings for the other person. Being friends with benefits is just a way some guys use to use others. It sounds like you're angry with his not wanting to be 'tied down.' Find a guy that does want to be tied down and by all means, 'tie him down' :) It's imperative that you feel comfortable with the guy your having sex with and because he's your first, it makes you feel safe because it's familiar.
It's up to you. If your enjoyment of the times you have outweighs your worries about him not committing to you than just enjoy it. But if you feel bad about it, let him go. There are lots of nice guys out there (I know it doesn't seem like it now) who are going to want you and inevitably you are going to have sex with someone else. Just remember that you don't have to have sex with a guy for him to want to stay with you. Your current ex is only keeping in touch BECAUSE you're having sex with him. What if you refused to give in? Would he stick around?
Hes not your bf anymore and it doesn't seem like that's going to change. Don't worry about having a bf, be celibate for awhile and get out there and have fun. Don't worry about being with someone cos that someone is going to come along when your ready.
Good Luck :)
A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (16 October 2008):
 Nobody here can or should make such a decision for you, but one suggestion might be to move on from this kind of relationship. You are, in my opinion, too young to require sex so badly that you would accept being essentially just a concubine. (My def: a woman who provides wifely pleasures without any commitment from the man).
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