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Is he just scared to show his feelings for me?

Tagged as: Online dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 December 2009) 1 Answers - (Newest, 25 December 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing someone casually, for about 5 months now, we met on an online dating agency, we agreed that we would carry on seeing each other for fun, as after a couple of dates he told me he was going travelling, which I was quite upset about, as I found that I got to really like him, but I decided that maybe a bit of fun would do me good, as I have been single for 3 years, after coming out of a 10 year relationship.

During the 5 month we havent met that much really, a few times when we arranged to meet he cancelled and texted me saying that he thought It wouldnt be a good Idea to meet, as he said that he didnt want to get in to deep and didnt want things to get confused and didnt want things to get complicated, I wasnt sure if this was just an excuse not to see me? or that he genuinly got feelings for me? and was scared it would make things harder for him going away, Sometimes when we have met he has been really moody, and othertimes he has been ok with me and treated me well, and hes given me the impression he has got feelings for me.

Ive been beginning to think that he has something going on with him? as he just seems to want to talk about sex, and to hav sex, he told me that his dad left him when he was 7, I know all men like sex, but he seems to be obsessed, I've even wondered If he is a sex addict? hes told me that hes been on the dating website for 5 years and that his relationships with who he had met on there, lasted a couple of months, he said that he had been in a 2 year relationship when he was 21, but apart from that nothing long term since, so It got me thinking that It sounds like he is scared of getting to close to someone incase that they hurt him?

It just seems to me that it goes of his dad leaving him when he was seven, he was saying that his dad has thease kids with the same birth mark, so It sounds like his dad likes his women.

We met recently, and he said that he was going to make it the best night ever, to make up for letting me down, we stayed in a hotel, the first thing he said when we met was, was my skirt looked really short, as soon as we met i got the impression that he didnt want to be there, he was making an effort with me, but It was like, but he didnt seem happy, a bit moody, we went into a bar, and he seemed really uncomfortable, i dont know if it was that he was just uncomfy because it was our last time meeting or what, but when we got back to the hotel room, he took his coat of the chair into the bathroom, why do you think he did that? It got me thinking that, is he taking drugs? as he does seem moody allot, but then i thought did he have another pack of condoms? in his pocket that he didnt want me to see meaning, hes been seeing other girls.

after we had sex i couldnt believe it, he just rolled over and fell asleep, i know thats what blokes do but, it was supposed to be our last time meeting, and then he just farted all night, which am sure he was aware he was doing, i just felt it showed lack of respect for me, then in the morn when we was leaving, we had a quick kiss, i leaned forward to give him a hug, and he pulled away and said see you, i couldnt believe it, my car was all iced up aswell, and he just left me to sort it on my own. I went home feeling cheap and awful, feeling really upset, and I def thought that i wouldnt hear from him again, as he give me the impression that he just wasnt interested anymore.

then out of the blue the other day he texted me in the early hours saying, "bit drunk hun, hope your ok, just want to say your one sexy girl" so as you can see im very confused, i havent replied to it, as ive felt hurt from the last time we met. what would you do, would you text him and tell him how i feel? or would you not reply to his text at all? as he's going travelling In about 3 weeks.

please help me as i just dont know what to do. Some male responses would be good as i would like to hear their opinions.

View related questions: cheap, condom, drugs, drunk, sex addict, text

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A female reader, Denise32 United States +, writes (25 December 2009):

Denise32 agony auntHe seems to be interested mainly in seeing you to have sex. You say he's obsessed with it. Also, he travels a lot which means he has very little time to spend with you. One thought: is his travelling mainly on business or vacation?

It sounds as if he does not really have an emotional involvement or interest in you as a person. Remember: he did tell you early on that he didn't want to "get in too deep" and for things to get complicated. That should tell you all you need to know, right there.

I think you'd do better to not respond to his text, and just let him go.

You deserve better.

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