A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am so emotionally confused right now. I am married to a man I love, but I am mentally attracted to someone else. I am not sure what to make of this man's actions. I was once taking a long walk and he was driving in the neighbourhood. His car slowed down almost to a full stop and he was starring at me. I didn't recognize him at the time (only realized it later).In front of other people, he seems so formal and speaks minimally, but on other occasions, the conversations are so comfortable and I feel I could speak to him for hours. His smiles to me would often linger more than the comfortable standard of one second.Recently, I wrote him an email to thank him for something work-related (we don't work together though) and he answered that he was really happy to have helped and to contact him anytime when I had questions (even though both him and I know that future questions could easily be addressed by someone else at his company from a different department). Is he being friendly, or is there something there? In front of others, it's more formal, and when it's us two, it seems so different. I am not looking for people to tell me to stay away (as I most definitely will), but I am SO curious to know if there is something there or not. Is attraction usually mutual (meaning it is unspoken) or am I looking too hard for signs? Please tell me from a purely objective point of view. Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2012): I would like to believe it is mutual. However based on the evidence you have given, it seems you are reading into it. Don't even fantasize about this man, or as another poster said, you will end up in the danger zone.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 December 2012):
 you're looking too hard for signs.
He sounds stalkerish with the car thing. If a car I did not recognize slowed down and stared at me I would be calling 911 to have him arrested or at least warned off.
When I send a work related email to someone that I have helped I always say feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns... even if I'm not the right person. It's politically correct to do so.
So my take on this, you are in love with your husband but bored. FIX IT FAST or you will end up in the danger zone.
If you would like to hear my story about being in love with a husband but mentally stimulated by a different man and what happens when you let that move forward on it's own I'll be glad to share it with you (it involves tears and divorce)
Objectively, it's ok to find others attractive... mentally or physically... it is NOT ok to act on it. AND if you really needed to you could make a case for him being interested but I think you WANT him to be... do you need an ego stroke from another man?
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 December 2012):
 Attraction isnt a choice.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (13 December 2012):
 I think it's probably better for your marriage to assume he's not. Also he sounds like a terribly creepy person. Driving slowly beside you? That just gives me the heeby jeebies.
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