A
male
age
51-59,
*hisper1
writes:Thanks for your reply; but i have another query - I have asked this girl if she loves the man she is engaged to and she says "I care about him - i have feelings for him that won't just go away and while i have them i will not leave him." I ask her if she loves me - she says "Yes!" She has told me that she has backed off from me because she feels guilty and because of the commitments she has - the ring on her finger and her new house. Question: Is a ring on her finger, a new house and guilt enough reason to ignore her true feelings for me? She has only been engaged 4 months - and she has told me that things are not good between them --- What does she want and what is she trying to tell me???
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): I have no idea what she is up to, dear. Like you, we too are not proficient mindreaders. What I can say is you are loving a woman who is attached to another man and is very unavailable to you. You have done all you can for now. You told her your feelings and she does claim she loves you. So why is she not moving towards you? Dumping her bf? One would think she should be doing this. All,I can tell you is my thoughts here and I need to be straighforward. Your feelings for her are genuine, heartfelt and real. But if she is not willing to be with you and love you every single day in the way you deserve, then it's time for you to do the heartbreaking task of telling her, you are making this an either/or situation. Either she chooses or you walk away. Please try not to ignore the fact that she 'says' she loves you but her actions are not matching up. If she wanted you as she says she does..this other guy would be gone and she'd be by your side. So stop with the excuses of her guilty feelings, the ring on her finger, the new house. She's being very, very unfair to you. This is not loving behavior, dear. Tell her to make a concrete, solid choice now. If it's not you, then be prepared to go--for good and heal from all this. The longer you hang onto this, the longer you stagnate and not find the mutual givingness and love you deserve from some other potential love interest, in your future. It is time for you to get your life back again. It is time for you to have someone in your life that you don't have to share with another guy. Good luck dear and please, do what's best for you and that is: facing up to the reality of this circumstance. Women who love a man, will do anything to be by their side. Take care, dear
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): She trying to say,she does love you, but.....she can not take it to any other level with you,then what it allready is. For she does love her fiancee,and made tat commtment to him,and has respect for him aswell.what she wants is to be ale to remain close to you, aswell have her relatioship with her fiance.It is humanly possible to love more then one person.She sounds alot like myself in many ways, most people i know call me extremly soft. When it comes to feelings of the sort,i dont beat around the bush i run around it 100 times before i even come close to hitting on what i am actually trying to say, WHY because she doesnt want to word it worn or maybe by some instance hurt your feelings because she cares.My advice,dont pressure(people like myself get pressure of sorting feelings and so on end up lumping all bad experiances of any man together and start thinking all men are the same)Try to understand she does love you and she also loves another but he just happened to get there first and now she is trying to stay to her comittment of that.Be the person that she loves ,the one whocares just for her as she does you,and maybe just maybe,in the end of it all she will see that you should of come first and not second.But in any instance it is about not hurting feelings or stepping out of line,or even stepping on toes at this point.
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A
male
reader, whisper1 +, writes (8 March 2007):
whisper1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks again for your opinions - i have made it quite clear that my feelings for her are real and genuine.i have already asked myself all the pionts you have raised and would love to be able to read her mind. im definately not the best offer she could get - she is very beautiful - both inside and out - a real catch! all i have ever asked of her is honesty about her feelings for me - i just dont know where i stand! To say that im lovesick is an understatement - if someone could tell me how to read her thoughts id be very gratefull.thanks again to you all.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 I suspect that she may be having cold feet, like many people who are engaged and ready to take the plunge. Although she is not married, it would be better to back off and let her decide for herself than pursue this any further. Bride-to-be's can be skittish and confused, and although it's true - She's not married - she is running away from her first commitment. Better to let her figure out what she wants for herself, give her some space and disappear for a while. She will have to clear her head and make a decision - not one based on any pressure from you. At least then you'll know if she was sincere about her feelings for you. If not, there's someone better out there waiting for you.
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 I dont think a house a ring a partner etc is any excuse to stay with someone she only cares about. She is being very unfair to you. Why dont you ask her straigt if she can ever see the two of you together. If my opinion i dont think she will ever leave him and frankly she probably enjoys the attention you are giving her. You cant have it all but she wants it. By telling you she loves you she is keeping you hanging on a string which will get longer and longer. So what happens if she has children it will be harder again. Stop wasting your time on this woman i can see by your reply you are trying to cling onto some hope that she might leave him for you. I doubt it . Good luck Aunty t.
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A
female
reader, toots +, writes (8 March 2007):
i think she is staying with him because she is worried this is the best offer she wll get, new house, marriage etc. but its all worthless without love. do you see yourself marrying her? its obvious she want stabilty. im not saying propose to her, but just make your feelings clear to her. if you want to be with her genuinely then tell her, if not then she might just be looking for a way out
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A
female
reader, Bella55  +, writes (8 March 2007):
Um hello, shes engaged, not married. Shes either making excuses cos she doesnt want to hurt you or wants this guy for his house. You cant have your bread buttered on both sides. If she goes thru with the wedding, theres your sign, and move on, you sound like a nice guy with lots to offer, your poor soulmate could be waiting for you to get over this.
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