A
female
age
51-59,
*hesilentone
writes:I believe I need some advice. I know the answer to the question but still need something from some one. I will make this simple. I have been with my fiancee for a year, we were friends for over 3 years. Close friends, always hung out together. Since we started dating he bought me everything took me places, told me how beautiful I was and how glad he was I found him, we both had been through rough patches and always hung by each others side. Within the last few months everything has gone down hill. I mean everything, he became so mentally and verbally abusive that my mouth just would fall open. I stopped fighting back and just let him hurt me. I have become so silent to him. Last night he stormed in my room, pulled me off my bed and hit me. He then threw things and screamed. The things he says don't hurt anymore because its the same thing. He constantly wants me to engage him, and I say nothing in fear of what he will do. Not to mention he screams over me there is no chance to say anything. Yes we are in seperate rooms, Like I said I have known for a while this outcome. What I need to know is do I call the police, if not them who? He came to my work today and took my car, I let him have complete control over me and my life. He traded in my car and put the new car in his name, the house, everything. I am left with nothing and I am leaving as I write this. I am strong, independent and beautiful and I wont tollerate this, but he is stalking me, he is harassing me. I am 37 and thought my life was beginning with someone I trust, in return I found a monster. He has taken away my friends, and my family. I feel so alone and could use some really good words of encouragment what are my options.Did I mention I'm 10 weeks pregnant? I dont want him to hurt me. There has to be someone out there who can hear me... I dont want to be silent any more.
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female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (22 May 2009):
Good for you! Congrats on the twins!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): I am so proud of You! You did the exactly what every woman in your situation should do!
It is so important to get the word out to other women, just how safe and welcoming Womens Shelters are! It is assumed that they are like homeless shelters and they are not! There are woman there that have dedicated thier lives to helping us through exactly what they have gone through and survived. They will show you how you can do it too.
Stay Safe, Stay Strong! The Best of Luck with your twins!
Britt
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A
female
reader, thesilentone +, writes (21 May 2009):
thesilentone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank all of you, I am out of the house and I stayed at a shelter last night and will until my new home is ready on the 1st. I want everyone to know that these shelters are for everyone. I really did have everything and I will have it all back. I was so scared going to the shelter but new I had no other options, However a shelter gave me the humility of a thousand.
I will stay there the rest of the week and my plan is donations. I have so many things I can give to these women, Why store it when I can just give it to them. My house is much smaller than the one I was in with the monster. So reality is sometimes we dont really need as much as we think.
Thank you everyone for giveng me your comments, I think, no I know that Im done with him. He called me a dozen times in a half hour period, I put my phone in airplane mode so I can still use my ipod. His phone calls wont come through. It was this morning when I took it out of that mode that I could see his messages. I never listen to them, I let them play on mute and I will keep them for evidence. I really am smarter than him. I truly believe all women should remind themselves that they are. Strong, independent and beautiful.
ps: I told my parents what was going on last night they were so proud of me for leaving and truly ecstatic they where going to be grandparents, All of there grand babies are teenagers. These will be the youngest, yes twins.
Strong, Independent and Beautiful.
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A
female
reader, mrs.smith81608 +, writes (21 May 2009):
I agree whole heartedly with Kat and Britt. Get out now, call the police, battered women's shelter, and never, ever, ever tell him about the unborn child. He will use it as a pawn on you, or worse. He'll physically hurt you to hurt the baby. You don't want that if you intend on keeping it.
You are very smart like you said. And you should hold your head up high that you're leaving him now, before he gets the chance to become more abusive towards you and your baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): there are hotlines in your area go to the police station.. they will get you in touch with the right people to help protect you and your unborn child...
don't mention the child to him ... ever.
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A
female
reader, Katrananda  +, writes (21 May 2009):
Go to the police, now. Get them to help you contact the appropriate services so that you have support and protection while you move your stuff out, and get yourself to a shelter.
Seek medical help for any injuries he has caused you, and make sure your injuries are logged.
Get a restraining order against this man and have nothing more to do with him.
Thank the universe for the gift of a child, if you intend to keep the baby, or seek some good counselling if you intend otherwise.
Get yourself into a counselling service to work out why you let this happen.
You are in danger, and your baby is in danger. This man has no respect for you or the safety of your baby.
Get the hell out, NOW! And good luck in saving your own life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): Yes, Silent One, I hear you!
You were smarter than me. I fought back for years both physically and verbally. For some time, I refused to just be a doormat. Eventually, I smartened up and realized, fighting back wasn't going to help me.
So, I stopped fighting, I stopped responding to his comments. It didn't make it any better, because your right, he wants you to fight back! He wants you to give him reason to smack you again, or knock you down...whatever...I finally left after 16 years of abuse...and although you say you are used to the verbal abuse, I know from experience, that is what stays with you the longest! Long after bones have mended, bruises have vanished...his words will ring in your ears!
I am relieved that you are leaving him! It will never get better. And yes by all means call the police if you feel threatened!
You can heal from this with the proper help from agencies that are out there for you!
My prayers go out to you.
Be Strong, and keep that positive attitude!
You don't deserve to live like this...and you don't have to!
Good Luck
Britt
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