A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok....so I have been in a serious relationship for 2 1/2 years with a good guy I met when I was a sophomore in highschool (about6 years ago)...but I cannot stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend. He is a little over a year younger than me but pretty mature..his family loves me and keep in contact all the time. The only reason I broke up with him was because after I graduated highschool I moved a few states away and I did not think a long distance relationship would work. But, for the past almost 3 years that I have been gone I cannot stop thinking about what could have been. He occasionally tells me that he still loves me and wants to pursue a relationship with me even though I had a child with my current boyfriend. I still do love him and think about being with him constantly but is it worth leaving my current boyfriend for (who takes care of me and my daughter, but also has been physically/emotionally abusive in the past)??? Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am writing to thank all for your responses...I think that the title may have confused some people because I let the site choose the title and it does not match the situation I am writing about...I am currently in a relationship with a person that has been violent in the past and I think about being with my ex-boyfriend who was the total opposite and I am wondering if it would be bad of me to leave my current bf for my ex???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2008): Your current bf has been abusive, in your past and he's a 'good guy'? I honestly think you are a very unhappy girl, who is basically looking for a way out. In my books, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever, for a man who is the stronger one--to ever physically abuse a woman, let alone emotionally abuse her. What happened to you was not your fault, you deserve to be happy and healthy. So start shifting the focus to yourself and your little daughter..love yourself enough to give you and her a happy life ahead. Start becoming a strong woman who lives for her own standards and what she wants in her life. Fix that 'something' within you, that empty space that needs filling up with with independence and empowerment. How.? Education, career, financial independence. If you have just one of those, right now...you are well on your way and it's a big start.
Now about this ex bf, you are thinking about. He's a bit of your fantasy 'knight in shining armor', dear. You got be careful here...he's real and he has feelings. He appeals to you because you do feel so unsafe. And you need to work on your sense of self-worth before walking into another relationship. Nothing and I mean nothing...can make you feel 'secure' if you are not 'secure' within yourself.
I cannot tell you how crucial it is to believe that you are a very lovable person and you need to face life on your own, first. If you do this, you face life head on and you build strength and confidence. And then you will learn, that if you love yourself, believe in yourself then you will be able to live a good, quality life with or without anyone. So remember, before tackling a new relationship...insecurity in anyone is a very unattractive, needy quality and it can turn others off. Do all that you can to enhance your life, be creative, do things for 'your' future. and that of your child. Empower your life, make your own 'security' so you don't have to worry about anyone giving that to you. That's not a man's job-it's yours. Give that to yourself...stop expecting others to do that for you. And once you do that, then the balance of any of your future love relationships will even out. You will feel more in control of your life and your relationship. And that in itself, is the sign of a strong woman. And isn't that the amazing example and role model you want for your own daughter. She will take note of what an awesome, empowered, independant Mom she has. Set the groundwork for her. Take Care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Hunny you shouldnt be in a violent relationship full stop! if your now b/f is violent or has been you said he looks after you but has been physically and emotionally abusive in the past this just doesnt stop unless he has had serious councelling and really sorted his head out its still abuse.....Your daughter do you feel she is safe? even though he may not hurt her he can hurt her by hurting you. So before you think of your previous b/f think of this situation very clearly..And dont run off into the arms of another just to run away but if his family can help you and there may be a chance of you getting together again that can be thought about when you have got help for you as you must scarred from the abuse....
http://www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010005§ionTitle=About+domestic+violence
You need to work on your self esteem also going from one violent partner to a good man can be a shock even though you went out with him previously as you have been abused you will have certain feelings that were not there before and may have flash backs and as well as you no this ex b/f and his family it could be really emotional, so to get strong is a good thing even if you dont think you need it its there incase love....
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
Whatever is worth your happiness and your daughters is the most important thing love I hope you sort this out much love WITH PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Love is not about feelings. Love is about staying by someone's side. If the guy you are with is still abusing you, yes, leave, but if not, you're just going to leave him for a crush?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (12 March 2008):
 Hi
Tempting! The title doesn't match the question, and i'm assuming the ex isn't the abusive 1? The current guy has been abusive? If the ex hasn't, and you get on with the family. It sounds very appealijng. But it depends how much you love the current guy. If he used to be abusive but isn't anymore, that might not be relivant anymore.
Best bet, going by the book, is end things with the current guy, have some time out, THEN see if things get back on track with the ex. I expect he knows about the baby with the current guy if you are in touch with his family?
But going by the book is easier said than done ey!
Like i say, main thing is, depends on your feelings for mr current.
C xxxx
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