A
male
age
41-50,
*olar305
writes:Well here goes: I've been dating, what i consider to be an amazing woman, granted I'm 29 she's 23 but the level of maturity is the same so age was never a problem with us. We've been together for just over 3 months, and we've hit a huge snag. The honeymoon phase is over, and she keeps telling me that we need to find out our common interests if this is to become a serious relationship. I've been in serious lengthy relationships, was almost engaged once. so i am not a stranger to serious relationships, but this woman is unlike any i've ever dated. She's smart, witty, quirky, nutty, appreciative, caring, supportive, and most of all I'm utterly head over heels in love with her.We both love sports, but her exact words were, "i don't want to constantly talk sports." and i can understand that statement. She's big time into politics, and i keep myself up to date on everything thats been going on, but I'm out of the "i can change the world" phase. we like similar music but that isn't enough.I've heard that one thing that I can do is find something both of us want to do and make that our common interest.Funny enough is that her and I have a lot in common as far as goals, determination, etc. we both like the same type of vacations, we both long for the same type of relationship. To get down to brass tax, I'm stumped. what other things besides politics and those things I've mentioned can i search for common ground. as time passes i worry that if we don't find a few things soon, we'll drift apart. I'm begging for your expert advise.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (13 April 2008):
Talk about everything! Talk about trees and films and books and squirrels. Go out and start a class together so you can discuss your paintings or german or whatever.
If you have to struggle and research things to talk about her with then it is a bad sign. Do you feel that you've "clicked" with her, or just that you think she's great but don't really get eachother?
Have the TV on and discuss what is on the news. You say you have similar goals etc. So talk about your dreams and her dreams. Make them come together so you can decide that in a few years you can move to Australia and sell sea shell necklaces to tourists on the beach.
You say you are out of the "I can change the world" phase. Why do you assume it's a phase? Are you just ready to lie down and wait for old age and death?
Go out and change the world with her. If you can't see yourselves together having adventures then your futures may not lie together.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, clobear +, writes (12 April 2008):
 i think your trying too hard, i believe in fait, if its going to last, then it will. me and my partner arent too much alike but we get on really well, you dont have to like the same things to get on well. infact me and my partner disagree on most things but we chat about what we both think, your entitled to your own likes and dislikes. and most people dont work out because they are too much alike. the sayings true 'opposites attract'
good luck, just be yourself and all should go to plan, xxx
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