A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I hope to get some good advice/opinions.I have been seeing a man for 8 months, spending weekends together and having a fantastic time. We have a holiday booked together in the summer with my children and he is very relaxed and happy with the relationship. We speak daily on the phone as we live a distance apart and he's also very affectionate and loving but hasnt been able to tell me he loves me. I have recently told him that I love him, and a few weeks later I did say I was a bit scared ( about booking a holiday) as I didnt know how he felt about me. He told me not to be scared and that he just needed a bit of time as he'd been heart broken by his ex ( they broke up about 14 months ago - 6 months before meeting me having been dating for 3 years). He also said I meant a great deal to him and he is very happy with things.Should I be worried that he's on the rebound or is he just being cautious and I should be patient. I am worried that if he doesnt love me by now will he ever.Were both late thirties, he has no children and has been divorced about 4 years- same as me.
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broke up, divorce, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (6 March 2008):
 I think it's fine if he hasn't told you he loves you yet, he just sounds like he wants to build a solid foundation and take things slow.
I would be more concerned if he had told you "I'm so in love with you" followed by "My heart is still recovering from my ex". Yikes!
He's happy with things, you're happy with things so don't get insecure and sabotage it just because he's not moving fast enough.
If anything, I would question why you want things to move quicker, what are you so afraid of? Most people that want to "rush right in" and have insta-intimacy have problems they don't want to face.
The things to concern yourself in this LD relationship would be the progression of the relationship through actions, not words. Are you getting closer? Are you learning more about each other? That kind of stuff.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (6 March 2008):
 take things slowly. space is important, and developing a strong friendship.I can tell you from my own experience, after having my heart broken- i have not been able to get near anyone. I was briefly with a woman for 2 months, but I broke her heart, simply because i was not able to share her feelings. I let her go, because I knew I couldn't, or was not capable of love yet. Its been 2 years since It happened, and I can tell you, that it will take me some time more before I can have a loving relationship again. Trust is important. But also, you just can't take things too quickly. Things have to develope over a period of time. I think the key may be to have as many good times as possible with this person. Romantic conversations, dinners, etc...eventually, this can grow into something substantial. But I believe that the doorway to love, is this romantic courting period. Eventually the pain that he underwent in the past, will be like a bad dream, and now finally, thank god hes awake! Well, thats my two cents. Good luck
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