A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi AllThis is a follow up question to my previous "dating drama".Background: My date - He's 41, tells me he is single and used to be a commitment phobe, but now has overcome this and is no longer fearful of commitment(!)He is incredibly busy - works 7 days travelling overseas (he is a pilot) and then has 7 days off work, where he seems to travel the country visiting friends and family (he has 10 brothers and sisters).I'm 33 and single and in a good job.Problem: I'm trying to suss him out as to whether he could end up being boyfriend material.The situation:Anyway, we went on 2 dates which were great, driven by him...then it was Xmas and I went away on hols.I called him when I returned, he picked up and was sweet on phone, was with family and told me he would call me later.I didn't hear from him until 11 days afterwards (he sent a text!). I replied a few hours later, and got another text from him saying he would call when his battery was charged.Update:That was on Saturday. But No call. He then texted on Tuesday asking me how I was. At this point, I decided not to reply as I was hugely disappointed in his behaviour. Didn't understand why he just didn't call.But it appears my no reply sparked more interest from him, as he sent me an even nicer text the following day. (The strange games we play, huh ;-))I waited a day before replying to this text (trying to act not bothered by his whimsical behaviour), and then he called me straight away. At last!He's asked me out on a 3rd date - in 2 weeks time, as he is flying all of next week, and then on hols the following week.He's arranged to meet me on the day he flies back from hols (the airport is not that far from me) and has invited himself around mine, where we will go out somewhere for lunch.Now, when I asked for advice previously - Irish49 - you advised me that I should not overreact and give him the benefit of the doubt and continue to be strong and independent - I'm trying to do this!But given his wishy washy behaviour with texting so much before calling...I'm now starting to wonder about his intentions.I've not slept with him yet and will try not to, as I don't know what he's about.There are 2 points of view one could assume around his behaviour: 1) He could just be a busy guy who likes me, may have other lady friends....and genuinely wants to see me, so has keenly arranged to see me the next day he is available....plus easier to meet if he is around my town as we live 70 miles apart. (if this is the case, there may be potential for something more meaningful to develop if we continue to like each other)....or...2) He is just a womaniser who is looking for whatever he can get, hence arranging to meet me when he is next in my area.!!I would appreciate all your views! I know its early days, but I don't want to waste time on someone who's not interested in something serious with me. But I do actually like this man a lot.I'm just wondering if there is any potential in this guy? If there's a way I can increase the attraction?I'm sorry to ask such a pathetic question - I've just had so many upsets over men in the past that I know I have a problem with trusting men...so would just like to get some objective views from both men and women (and Irish49, if you are there?)Thanks so much!Miss Baffled!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): It sounds to me..he likes you. And of course, this man sounds like a good potential. But you need to get to know him...much, much better. As for not trusting men, this is your issue hun and one can't expect to fully trust a person when just in the stages of 'beginning' a relationship with this guy. Your 33, you are mature and bright. Keep your cool, you have to get to know him and the only way is to take the risk and not allow fear to rule your rational thought...use your head! This is where your strength and independence come into play. This is where maturity, a happy, bright, fun positive attitude, self-love and confidence come into play. If you have that, you will always know that no matter how this turns out, you kept your wits and dignity about you.
Sweetie, I view dating as a form of shopping around, at any age. It's does not necessarily always become 'exclusivity'. But, one word of caution- whatever you do, gain his respect. I feel this is what he's truly looking for in a woman...he's not a horny teen guy looking for a good time in the sack. He sounds like an experienced, mature man who know 'what he wants.' I encourage you to practice abstinence because until you feel you are ready and something gets better established, here. A sad fact of nature is that sexual intimacy creates emotional intimacy. Each romantic relationship takes something from a person’s heart, and each relationship broken, leaves a scar. I suggest you enjoy his company but always stay, mature, dignified, gracious, real and honest. He'll take note of that about you. Understand any type of healthy relationship, includes a close friendships based on trust, respect and caring and not causing pain to others.
Now about whether he's a womanizer. No one can tell you that, hun. If he is a womanizer, he might have tried 'jumping your bones' the first few times, you dated him. But this didn't happen, did it? The only way you will know that answer, is to refrain from sex until you two know each other much better. Try the 4 month rule..no sex until after the 4 month mark. Can you do this? But my best suggestion: Don't act needy or desperate for his attachment. This is an incredible turn off to older men. Be a cool headed girl. Make him work damn hard for you dear because, you are worth it and he will pursue. He needs to get to know you as a person, he needs to see your inner beauty, get to know your personality. Smile always, be happy, charming but be dignified. Carry yourself with class. You can't lose if you allow him to see those wonderful qualities in you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2007): Thanks Salsere!
Any more views out there? Any men's perspective please?
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, salsere +, writes (21 January 2007):
Being a pilot would suggest he is a very busy man!!
when he said he would call you once his battery was charged, he probably had every intention of doing so, but maybe something cropped up and time he got around to thinking he should make that call it was too late?
and he could of spent the next how ever long thinking god knows what because he never called you, it may of took a lot of courage to finally get round to sending you a text.
Maybe he is a womaniser and has a girl in every town.
But you are a big girl, you like this man so take a risk, go on out with him, get to know him as much as you can.
Take a step back thinking all the IFS in the world. Your never going to know anything if you dont give it a go.
he must be attracted to you otherwise he wouldnt get intouch with you, if it is all because he just wants what he can get, im sure you will know and you can say straight out, THANKS BUT NO THANKS.
Go on be a devil you never know he could be the one.
i know you have been hurt, but being paranoid that every man is like your previous men in your life isnt the way to go, your never find what your looking for if you think the worse everytime.
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