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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Some of my friends have already have sex- some have boyfriends, others are married. I'm waiting until I find "the one." I don't necessarily have to be married, I just want it to be special. I don't know if it's the way I was raised or what, but it just seems like a big deal to me. Like when some of my friend's told me about their first time, I was a little shocked at first. Growing up it wasn't really talked about and when I did question it, my mom would have this look of horror on her face and change the topic. When she talked to me about it was a quick, nondescript version. (Of course I learned more about it in school from other students.) So maybe I'm just immature and making it a bigger deal than it is, I don't know. Is having sex really a big deal? Or when you're ready and have talked about it with your SO, then you know you're ready?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I'm male, over 30, not religious, and still waiting for the right one. We are out there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): I think you do right to wait. Sex creates a bond between people which is good if they are the right one but can be very painful emotionally if the relationship doesn't last because it makes it harder to separate. Concentrate on whether the personality is right and the rest can follow.
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A
male
reader, Illithid  +, writes (12 November 2009):
 As a 25 year old male that's kept his virginity thus far, even after having been engaged to a woman for over a year before it ended, I can say that you're absolutely not alone in saving yourself and that I entirely respect that. (My new girlfriend, also a 25 year old virgin, would agree.)
Clearly, I can't say much about how big a deal sex is or isn't by virtue of my not having had it, but don't feel the need to give it away just so you can say you've done it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): to some people sex is a big deal and to some its not it depends on how you feel and think what sex means to you you can have great experiences and bad experiences if you have waited you have waited for a reason and thats fine you will never know the right time but when it happens you will know its the right time cause you wanted to happen and u cant have sex if your not ready u will know wen your ready the feeling comes to you its apart of life but not essential
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (12 November 2009):
 There is absolutely nothing wrong with your decision to wait. It is quite admirable. But if you are nearing your 30th birthday party, as indicated, it may be good to begin seeking a mate. As to your question, "Is having sex really a big deal?" Well, it can be, and usually is, one of the greatest pleasures in life, but waiting until "it is special" with someone you love, and who loves you, is the ideal.
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A
female
reader, kliciouss +, writes (12 November 2009):
 sex is what you define it to be. if that is what you are thinking, keep it that way. you are obviously writing this entry due to peer pressure from your friends. they have sex, they tell you about it, and then you question yourself if it is a big deal to you or not. some people think sex is amazing. some people's first boyfriend's become their husbands. ask yourself, what does "the one" mean to you. no matter what the answer is, "the one" is not going to be what you imagined. maybe at least most, but not all.
i am a virgin by choice, i have had so many boyfriends and each and everyone of them wanted sex...some of which could have been "the one." i just chose not to because i feel the older i am, the more mature the men would be. when you are close to your SO, it is not just the talk. it's the timing, the closeness, the moment, the consequences. whatever else you think.
don't stress over it. if you want to wait, do it. no one can stop you. you are yourself and whatever you believe or think is what you should stay with.
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