A
female
age
41-50,
*ainaaa
writes:I am unable to treat my husband nice after he has cheated on me. For example when he asks me to massage his shoulder I say a BIG NO. Such things make our life difficult to live together. Any advice? Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): please get some counseling, you have every right to be angry but you need help in owrking through it and letting go......and btw, he should be rubbing YOUR shoulders for what he did, he has a lot of making up to do
A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 I know the feeling, I live in the same world, no back rubs no nothing, but I went to strip clubs occasionally as an outlet not cheating in the normal form. I know this is still a form of cheating but if my wife would just get over it and have good sex and be close, I think everything would blow over and be normal again. I think it is all about power over the other half and not wanting to relinquish it no matter what. We have been together for 31 years have 3 grown boys and do ok together except the closeness and sexual excitement is not where it could be.
Is it worth driving a wedge between both parties just to be on top possibly resulting in divorce or is it better just to give in and pretend everything is perfect and see where that goes. I think the latter is worth a try even if the roles are in reverse. People make mistakes, life is a series of learning experiences. good luck with you situation, let me know if you find a good answer
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): I am afraid that I can not offer any advise or suggestions with the limited information.
There can be various reasons for your feelings; what was your relationship like before his cheating;were you gradually drifting apart?How long have you been married?
how did you discover about the cheating?
what did you do to resolve the issues around the cheating;
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
Its very hard to get back what you had love when someone betrays your trust, This is understandable hunny everytime he wants something from you, You feel an anger inside as if he has no rights to ask anything of you..
If you do generally want to move on from this awfull experience then you will have to get all this negative unwanted anger out of you..Have you thought of couple's councelling? Is there somewere you can go to get help together? This is so hard but if you really want it to work then you will have to work on your self esteem and confidence as that takes a nose dive when you feel this way love....I no it should not be you doing the work or thats how it feels, Do it for you love if you feel more possitive then you will get stronger and more able to cope with this situation....
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
http://ezinearticles.com/?Advice-On-Saving-Your-Marriage-After-Infidelity&id=905029
Here are some links hunny hopefully that will help your situation, I hope in some small way they can heal your pain and you can start feeling better and your life improves a great deal WITH LOTS OF LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, XxAnGelXxx +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Personally i would suggest trying to rekindle some romance, get that loving feeling back and that! But mind you, you didnt give much information on how long ago it was, if you've tried to talk about it or just tried to brush it off and hope it would go away by itself? If that is the case then i'd suggest having a chat with him and explain how you dont mean to be like that toward him but after what he did... Yadeyadayada.. And talk about whatever you feel will try and relieve this coldness towards him?
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