A
female
age
41-50,
*erendipity100
writes:Help please!I feel I am just too needy and that my girlfriend and I have got off on the wrong foot.My girlfriend and I moved in together about three months ago and we've been together for just over a year altogether. When we first met, to be honest I think her own issues made her very critical of my confidence at the time and my head strong attitude, but slowly to be honest she wore me down, used to be very angry and abusive if she thought I was flirting with someone when I wasn't and generally would be a little childish if I didn't react to things the way in which she felt I should. Whenever she was upset about something she would get really angry and then dump me. I would then tell her that I was sorry (though sometimes it wasn't my fault) and we would continue where we left off.Thus, I made the big mistake of changing, putting her before myself and as a result I'm now confident in my work and in my friendships but fear reprisal if I do something wrong with her. This is I believe how the insecurity issues started with her. She has dumped me so many times I've doubted her intentions.This whole situation has made me needy and mis-trusting of her now (not surprisingly) she gained control over me but now feels that I'm too needy and never give her enough space. I can see we're in a viscious cycle but we do love each other and despite these issues we do have times when we do get on.We both love each other dearly but I guess her whole attitude has made me doubt her love for me - which in reality is silly because although we've argued a lot recently in the past two months, we never split up.In fact, when she says something horrible I usually now retaliate with something just as horrible. She's much younger than me and I think some of her outbursts when we first went out were down to her insecurity and emotional niaivity.Anyway, she has made an effort with her anger and is nothing like she used to be but I need to sort out my needy nature.I want to trust her and let her go out with her friends -but obviously have abandonment issues.So, my girlfriend and I have both said we can't split up but therefore things need to change. So how do we do it?How do I become less needy? Why can't I just accept that if she goes to see her friends on a Saturday night and stays over - it's not because she doesn't want me, but because she needs space?I know what the answers are but really need some guidance as to how I can get myself back to where I was - without fearing her reaction to me just being me.Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Hi
It's not every weekend to be honest. Probably once a month a most that she does it.
I am invited over to her friend's new year's eve with her but she went there on Boxing day and I was invited by them but she didn't want me there.
I don't know if that clarifies it.
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