A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all, here's wishing everyone a very happy new year! I have been married for 8 years and have a beautiful, intelligent 7 year old daughter. I guess my problem, if I can call it, is my relationship with my husband and the entire situation. My husband is 6 years older to me. I am 40. He is responsible, kind and dependable and has an excellent job. The problem is that he works in a very niche sector and his place of work is an extremely shitty small town. The job is a well paying job but he cannot get a transfer or relocate other than resign. He can apply for a similar posting but the new location will also be similar, if not worse. I absolutely hate the town that he is based in. My daughter goes to school there and while it's a decent school, that's just about it. I cannot wait to get out of there and rush to my parents home(in a different city) whenever I can. I am currently not working because there are zero opportunities for me in that town. I married my husband because I was stuck in a bad place. I was sick of the shitty men I'd been dating and he gave me the stability that I needed. However, while there are no problems as such, I am at a dead end. Because I hate that town and my life there so much, I cannot tolerate being there for a second more than I can. My husband and I don't spend any holidays together because I am home with my mother and he's either at his home with his mother or at his place of work. My mother-in-law was extremely abusive and a nightmare to me so I don't go to her house. Things are a little better now but I'm still not comfortable and neither is my daughter. I guess what I'm saying is, my life is just stuck. I stay with my husband for as long as my daughter has her school and the day her holidays start, I'm out of there. He is also extremely boring and we have no social life. I don't like a single person in the place we stay and he doesn't have any friends either. I spend my holidays with my family and he spends his holidays either alone or with his mother. This is not what I want from my life. I know I should be grateful for all that I have. A comfortable life and a healthy, happy child. But I'm not. I am so sick of everything. I wish my husband were in a better place and my life was more exciting. I wish I had something to look forward to. I wish we had a "normal" married life... Not one where him and I are more apart than together Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2024): Get a job or learn good skills and become self employed working from home earning a good amount, it stops you being bored, the time goes quicker, you have more confidence, more money and you stop worrying about what other people are or are not doing.
Has it not occurred to you that husband might be bored and fed up too but maybe feeling that he has a lazy wife and he has to pull his weight financially for the pair of you?
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (2 January 2024):
 Is the extra money he’s making worth the divide it’s created? If he took a lower paying job in a different location, would you still want to be with him? It sounds like a very lonely relationship for both of you, and it sounds like you’re functionally separated but financially dependent on him.
It also feels like there’s no communication between you and your husband about the situation. Can you two move and he commute to the job? Is it really his and his responsibility alone to keep you entertained in this town? It seems a little harsh/punitive to leave him every chance you get.
I think you need to decide what you want, the current stability and sadness doesn’t seem sustainable. Get independent, get a remote job if you need that independence, or if it’s over, move in with mom and go from there.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 January 2024):
 Have you sat your husband down and talked about wanting to move?
And why can't you have holidays with your child and husband?!
You don't sound like you know how to be a supportive wife at all. Nor do you know how to communicate.
You need to have a chat with your husband.
Maybe look into places where he CAN work his job but its a place where you can ALSO find a job and hopefully have more of a family and social life.
Ask yourself this what are YOU doing to make things better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2023): Hi
Sorry you are sad at the beginning of a new year and i understand you are not been horrible, it's just the status quo feeling? quagmire? and i see you are grateful at the same time which is nice.
I can only really say 'choice's because i am sat here absolutely heartbroken because my husband died 7 weeks ago, and a few months before my mother and my 19 year old doggo, and i would give anything to have my life back but it shattered around me, so be careful that you are not just looking at greener grass. ( no offence meant here) just talking from my sad heart.
But! also you should not be expected to remain unhappy and dissatisfied, some compromise should be reached. Maybe once a month you could both have absolute romantic quality time together and you could try and find something that you enjoy, like a training course. There are plenty of home study courses that can lead to a good career and then both of you maybe change direction, try to bring your own independence into this relationship.
Or you both sit down and have a serious conversation about where and what you both want for the future.
I wish you both well and certainly a positive new start for 24 and never give up hope of happiness, it does live within you. x
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