A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/was-he-attracted-to-me-or-what-is.html(The whole story)One night, I was drinking with a good friend I have known for 3 years.He is 15, and I am 18.We got rather drunk, and he ended up getting close to me.I never thought that he or I were gay, but after the incident, my sexuality has been challenged.I am straight, however I am occasionally attracted to guys (non-sexually).I have been told that this is normal. I am not sexually attracted to him.We never made any sexual contact. We only cuddled.The best way to describe the incident would be just lovingly comforting each other.We enjoyed being together, and totally discarded whether it seemed gay.The morning after, my mother found us both in each other’s arms.She doesn’t want me to be gay, and has told all our relatives and family as to cope with this situation.She has refused to let him return.I have been challenged as to why the situation happened.I was told that a drunken mind speaks a sober heart, and initially thought that he and I were confused about our sexuality and became attached to each other.I didn’t want to confuse or upset him over what happened, and could not find him to apologise if I did.However, 3 weeks later he approached me and asked if we could get together again.I have thought long and hard about what happened and I think I may have figured it out.The way I see it is a cry for help, just for love. I don’t think he is sexually attracted to me.His parents are not that close to him. Ever since I have known him, I have never seen them hug or show emotion or love towards him.He is their youngest child, and is rather neglected in my opinion.They smoke in their home, and he suffers. He has very bad asthma and is on numerous medications, yet they still show no interest in him or his health.He felt comforted with me, like I was a person of importance to him. Like a big brother (he doesn’t have one), or parent in some respects.What should I do?Do you think that he sees me as a parent figure or something?If you think he does, should I be that person for him?Should I let my mother keep us separated in shallow fear that I could be gay, or should I find other ways to be with him?He is one of my best friends and I have known him for a long time.I don’t want to break our friendship.I want to help him in any way I can.
View related questions:
best friend, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe title is wrong.
I know it sounds confusing, but I am not attracted to him. Sorry.
My love for him is like the same love you would have for close family members.
We are close friends. I feel he is a part of my family more than his.
I guess I am attracted to guys occasionally, but not often.
I am not attracted to him at all.
I was confused about my sexuality at first because I was so close to a guy. I thought I could be gay.
But now I understand our closeness was because he was seeking someone to be close to, because he couldn’t be close to his parents.
He is just trying to find someone to be close with. He doesn’t care if it seems gay, because he has someone to find comfort in.
But I still don’t know what to do.
Is it healthy for him to try and find comfort in me, being a guy?
I don’t want to confuse him and make him think that his willingness to be close to me could be homosexuality.
I want to help him; but just don’t want to hurt him!
Thanks.
A
female
reader, mcbirdie  +, writes (20 May 2007):
 There isn't too much out there in the world of attraction that is wrong. It doesn't matter why you are attracted to someone, whether for emotional comfort or for sexual, if you both enjoy the closeness, then it is good.
It is unfortunate that your mother's insecurities about what she considers appropriate sexuality for her son is making this situation more complex than it needs to be, but I don't think that you should focus on that--it is not the most important thing to consider. This is:
"He is one of my best friends and I have known him for a long time.
I don’t want to break our friendship."
Don't lose a bond simply because people want labels and categories to make themselves feel safer. Enjoy your relationship, be that sexual or emotional. It is not always easy in life to find someone who gives you comfort. When you do, don't lose them over other people's nonsense.
Best of luck.
...............................
|
