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female
age
26-29,
*eef95
writes:what does he want from me ?!?!? me and my partner have now been dating for nearly 4 years and its fair to say we have had our shares of ups and downs. but now I'm left wondering what is it he wants... a couple of weeks back he said that he wasn't sure whether or not he could see us together in the future, my issue was that i didn't want to waste my time if there was no future for us. he asked for space and time to think and that is what i gave him but he still had no answer. i began to think why this suddenly popped up and all i could think of was that he wasn't happy with his life in generally ( a jobless hopeless worthless son- or so thats what his parent thought of him) this is why it makes me think he wanted to take control of his life and the only real aspect he could change was his relationship. and now a few months on and he has an amazing job and his parents couldn't be more proud his prays may of been answered but I'm still left wondering does he see a future for us ????he's the type of guy who 'will not feel sorry for anyone' ' will not talk about feelings' its just so hard to understand him ......do i bring it up with him?? ignore it ??? ahhhhhh i don't know Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2014): When do you two plan to venture outside your comfort-zones; and start dating other people?
I'd say you've spend far too much of your past together; and it's time you kids started meeting different people to introduce yourselves to a variety of types and personalities. That you make your way into society, and have some fun without the other tagging along.
You don't need his permission. Just tell him, it's been great, you'd love to remain friends; but you think it's time you start seeing other people. Apparently he can't make up his mind, and you aren't going to place your life on-hold waiting for him to figure that out.
Do you want him in your future? Does he have to be your boyfriend to husband? Why?!!
You are not bound to marry your childhood sweetheart. Unless that is your culture, and you have a prearranged marriage. If it's meant to be, you'll find your way back to each other. I have a feeling you're both dying to get away from each other for awhile! I bet boys have been checking you out for a long time!
He's probably scared to tell you how he really feels, or you'll go ballistic!!! You're the only girl he's ever dated, and that's not healthy for either of you. You've described the poor guy as a total slacker. So maybe he just doesn't have the courage to tell you he doesn't see you in his future, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. He's not sure he has the courage to approach another girl. He's had no practice. It's been you since puberty!
You're both playing it safe, and avoiding the effort it takes to break the ice and start from scratch with a total stranger; or someone you don't know where every little pimple or birthmark is. Everyone probably thinks you're conjoined twins. You're practically brother and sister!
I have no doubt who calls all the shots in this relationship. I also can figure out who you'd better not cross between the two of you! (Just some humor here!)
You both need to venture out and date other people. Make friends that are exclusively your own, and find yourselves.
He can still be in your life, but that doesn't mean he has to be forever your one and only boyfriend. Sounds like he's avoiding saying anything definite. I'd say that is because he knows you, and what sets you off. Say something wrong, and bam!!! He'd rather play dumb to keep the peace.
You are the master of your own fate. You don't have to wait around trying to figure how he feels about you. How about giving him a whole lot of space to think about it; while you expand your horizons. How many guys have you turned down acting like you're already his wife? Maybe you're the only one seeing a future for the two of you, and he's seen just about enough already!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 October 2014):
 So you were 14-17 when you started dating? So you two started off as a very young couple. You've had ups and downs and then he wanted space and time to think about the future. He's will not talk about feelings and won't tell you if he thinks you two have a future together. You've known him for 4 years and find it so hard to understand him.
Gulp.
I know this may be hard to hear but I would start making decisions for yourself based on your needs, as an individual, and not as a part of a couple. I think he may not be able to tell you that you have a future together because he's not sure you do.
If you were my girlfriend I would tell you to end the relationship, to tell him that he's welcome to come back and apply for the position of 'partner' again, but only if that position is available, which it may not be, because you are going back on the market. Yes, you are going to act as though you are single and have your whole life ahead of you and plenty of choices in men. You don't have to sleep with anyone, you don't have to do anything you aren't ready for with men but you do not have to---and more importantly, SHOULD NOT---sit around waiting for him to come back to you.
Take back your power. Why are you waiting for him to decide the course of your life? YOU decide the course of your life. Of course, you would like it to be with him. But if he needs space and time after 4 years? Bad sign. You are still young and I expect have only ever known him in your life. You may be settling for a guy who isn't really the best choice. You say you've had ups and downs. What are the ups and downs?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2014): I definitely think you should bring it up to him. I understand it must be difficult, not just for you but for him too, that he's not the type to talk about feelings. However, 4 years is more than long enough to know what you want with the person you've spent all that time with and it's very unfair that it's obviously on your mind a lot and you deserve to know. Hopefully, with his life going the way it is, like you said, having an amazing job and proud parents, he may start to become more open with time and then possibly even be on the same path as you. If he still isn't sure after some time though, I'd personally think it's time to call it a day. Life's too short and there's plenty of fish in the sea.Good luck
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reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 October 2014):
 You have described this guy well enough for me to know him. I can say with some certainty that he is not ready for ANY sort of commitment. If a guy is this wishy washy after this length of time he's got his future mapped out alright. Every day is 'ground hog day' Even though a bit of luck has come his way and the future looks bright for him. I'm pretty sure he doen't see it that way. You'd best be looking for your own future. Sorry, but that's what I see you describing. Good Luck to you.
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