A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Recently ive noticed that my best friend has started to take alot of interest in my boyfriend.I've tryed to ignore it, thinking i'm being paranoid and stupid. Thing is, this has happened before, with a different friend stealing an ex.I care about him so much. At weekends we go to alot of partys, and my best friend comes all the time aswell.My boyfriends always saying how much he likes my best friend, and she says the same about him. I'm just jealous, as sometimes they go off for little private talks, which makes me paranoid. I'm too scared to say anything, because i don't want to lose either of them, and also i don't want to make myself look like an idiot!I just don't know what to do, it's really getting to me...please help!!Thankyou :)xxxxxxxxx
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best friend, jealous Reply to this Question |
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your help :)
I may only be 17, but i have been in a two year and a half relationship and it's just starting to dawn on me that i may lose him to somebody better than me. I don't have much self confidence, and my trust levels are low because of it.
Thanks alot...
im going to halve a chat with them both seperately
x.x.x.x
A
female
reader, drastic knowledge  +, writes (4 October 2007):
 frist i think that he needs to not be taking tyour best friend off for little talks that isnt right but also cant you 2 have time with out her
you dont want to lose them but seems as there doing you dirty and not being a good bf or best friend
get to the bottom of this and if you find that the are messing around drop them both
you deserve way better
good luck
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A
female
reader, IzzyBeth +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Jealousy is relatively normal at your age, and the sacredness of committed relationships is not always learned by all in your age group yet. The friend who is occupying your bf's time without you present is questionable unless they were friends before your apperance on the scene. If you are committed to being committed, then you have to sit down with your bf and "calmly" express your feelings. Tell him that you are uncomfortable with the closeness he shares with your best friend, and that you understand that you may sound silly to him, but that you are harboring alot of jealousy. Hopefully if he is any kind of gentleman he will try to put your fears to rest and agree to give you the heads up if he will be spending time with your bff, or even agree to only socialize with her when it's the three of you. The other possible outcome is this, he will become defensive, which can mean one of two things, either he does have feelings for your friend, or he's not mature enough to be in a committed relationship.
Just remember that jealousy is natural, but not desirable, work with yourself to control those feelings.
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A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (3 October 2007):
 Well what do you expect for teenagers? Do you honestly believe that they are emotionally and mentally prepared to be in a committed relationship?
That you and your friends in your age group find no fault with mate poaching-then I say you should just realize that perhaps the youth should not be having long term relations.
I don't know how someone expects their boyfriend or girlfriend to behave like they are married. You aren't.
Another thing I had noticed when I was a teen; I choose my friends because we have some characteristics in common. More often than not, we were attracted to the same types of young men. I did find it a bit bothersome that any young man I showed an intrest in, a fellow bud would then go after.
Again, I don't think it had anything to do with emotional or mental maturity. We were at an age where we ourselves were trying to figure out who we were. Why would we invite the unnecessary pain into our lives by believing we should have long term boyfriends? Why does any teen want this?
I decided I didn't need a boy in my life to define my happiness. I didn't need a boy in my life to be accepted. I didn't need a boy in my life as I had my studies to focus on and I just did not want the hassles that all my other female peers were faced with.
Boys at that age, when they are in a relationship do in fact expect sex. They feel they deserve it for giving up their freedom to be exclusive with you.
I heard this time and again from my male buds in junior high and highschool. I still hear it from grown men today. It's retarded.
That the youth in my time and in yours still seem to think it is acceptable to steady date and then face heartbreak because other youth are acting age appropriately and selfishly by going after what they want. Teens do tend to be more ego centric. I know I suffered from it from time to time.
*sighs* Tell him what you think and feel. Say it's not that you don't trust him but because of past experience it is a fear. Tell him you want to trust him and be reassured.
In the end, you are not married, you are teens and this will come to an end. Especially at 16. Be prepared. Learn.
You should be hanging with friends, dating any boy who asks you out and enjoying getting to know many types of boys and how you are with said personalities.
You can exclusively date when you are ready to be married and start to zero in on a possible spouse that will support you and shares common life goals and will have the same home standards you hope to have.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): If you're too scared to say anything, what do you think is going to happen? If I had to guess, they will end up getting together if you don't stand up for yourself. It isn't appropriate for them to be going off at parties for private talks. How do you know they're not really going off to make out? It also isn't appropriate for him & her to tell you how much they like eachother. What are they trting to do, see if it would be o.k. with you for them to hook up? Tell them you won't stand for this anymore. If they care about you they'll stop. If not, well they aren't worth it anyways.
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