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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 22 years old and at the moment I'm so down about everything. Firstly, Im in so much debt with my banks that when I get paid I can never buy myself anything nice as all my money goes to them. I have had to move home with my parents because of this and I hate living with them I cant get on with them.Last year my ex dumped me for another girl, who happened to be my biggest enemy, and it took me ages to get over it but now I've learnt that they are about to have a baby together and are getting married soon.I never hear from my friends anymore and most of them bitch about me, lie to me and go out without me which upsets me a bit. The only good thing about my life is my job but now even that is starting to bore me and I'm getting into trouble for not being enthusiastic enough.When I sit down and reflect on my life all I can see is bad luck in every area of my life. I've never really had good luck with anything and it makes me feel like one of those unlucky people who go through life unhappy cos nothing goes their way. I see other girls who have been through so much more worse then me but they still seem to be strong and positive throughout and I just dont know how they do it.People have commented that I have a gloomy and negative presence around me but I cant help it - I feel like im doomed for bad luck all the time. Everyone tells me to be more 'positive' but how exactly do I do that? How can anyone be positive when they feel like everything is against them and nothing will ever go right? I would love to be strong and positive person I just dont know how!Itts my birthday next week and Im not even excited because I dont have the money to do anything nice and my friends wont even remember. I hate feeling like this, what can I do to help me feel better?
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female
reader, macin_bacon  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 Just look at all the things you have .... compared to people in africa and awfuns ... and be glad that you have nothing in life to worry about .... :S hoping you dont ,
nothing that u can get in trouble for it . And i always find when i do feel negative about somthing or sad ... i ends up being fine anyway
whats the worst that your life could bring ?
A
female
reader, Juliette +, writes (18 June 2006):
 You sound in a rut. A negative spiral of self defeat that only you can break. You could go to the citizen's advice bureau who will help you sort out your money issues, but most of all you need to recognise that spending more money you haven't got will not bring you happiness. You could focus on your job, start to not resent paying back money you owe, and look for something to do that involves meeting new people who do not have to spend money to have fun. You will be able to spend some money, but a budget amount that will make you feel successful as you pay off your debts and begin to feel the freedom that will bring, but it will take time and that is part of the learning process, to dig yourself out is far harder than dropping yourself in it.You could consider not being so negative about your parents, develop a closer and supportive relationship by being honest with them and yourself. My daughter is 21 and has just moved back home after being in a similar situation. I am amazed her friends have stuck with her, the flack she has given them, but in her depression she has found spending has given short relief. You could set yourself a year, go to the library and take up learning something you can use later. Perhaps some of your friends are in similar positions and want to spend less so you could arrange a group of music listening, learn a language, visit some free museums. Whether you are a person of poor or rich background, here is your new startihng point to make something of yourself!
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