A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I am a 27 year old attractive male, with a good job, nice flat, my problem is I'm rubbish at socialising and making friends, people seem to find me awkward or boring and I don't know how to change this or if I ever will be able to? My gf even broke up with me because she said I became to boring and wasn't any fun!I don't know how I can change this?
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female
reader, alysha  + ♥, writes (1 September 2009):
 hey
Lot of people face this problem.Dont worry.It will take time but dont lose hope and follow these simple tips.
1.LOOK GOOD:What attracts u to a a stranger...good looks.Look good.Visit salon/spa.Feel great about yourself.Join a gym and work out to get in great shape.Most important advice-wear a smile...even when you had a bad day.Everyone wants to be around a happy soul.
2.PRACTICE:Talk to strangers initially till you develop your social skills.you'll get practice and you have got nothing to lose even if they are not impressed.You will do better with time.Do this till you are confident about yourself.
Work on your vocal skills..the way you talk.Practise talking when you are alone in your room.Think about how you would introduce yourself to people.Use the same introduction for everyone.This will boost your confidence.
3.NEW FRIENDS:Try getting new friends.You can go to a new club or gym.You can take a walk in a park with ur dog.You will meet a lot of people looking for fresh air.
4.BE LOVABLE:Look good,smell good and be good to people around you.Compliment peolpe but be honest.Never say bad things about anyone.Dont be rude to anyone.
5.SECRET:This is a little secret that makes some people popular.Always remember names of people you meet and their passions which can be trivial.Ask for their visiting card and write down what they like.The next time you meet them,use this information and you will see the results.
Work hard to remember names.
6.START CONVERSATION:One of the best ways to start a convo is to ask for advice.Sports has many followers so talk about sports.
7.REACH OUT:Dont wait for other people to start conversation.Say hi to everyone and be genuinely interested in what they say.
8.AVOID SILLY ONELINERS:When you talk to a lady,avoid those cheesy oneliners used by so many men.Its a big turn off.
9.MIND YOUR MANNERS:Never do anything that annoys other people.
10.BE A GREAT FRIEND:Find people who like you for what you are(you are not with the right people if they reject you for being boring.its their opinion...One Man's Ceiling Is Another Man's Floor)
Bring to smile to someone's face.Be nice and delightful.
Some people are born to rule our hearts.But anyone can be like them or even better if you believe you can.Dont let the opinion of a few people let you down.TAKE IT IN A GOOD WAY TO EMERGE A BETTER PERSON... Just have some patience.
A
male
reader, Code Warrior  + ♥, writes (1 September 2009):
 Are you the girlfriend of this guy asking about him before you decide to break up or did you just click the wrong sex on the question page?
If you are his girlfriend, and you feel this way about him, does he feel this way about himself?
It is difficult to answer because I don't know for sure who I am talking to, so I will try to address both.
ADVICE FOR GIRLFRIEND:
If it is the girlfriend then my advice is to talk to him about how you are feeling. Be kind and tell him that you think things have gotten a little routine and you want to go out and do more with other people and/or couples.
You have to decide when a relationship is working for you or not and then understand why. Once you understand why, you are in a position to discuss and solve problems. If you cannot solve the problems then you say goodbye.
ADVICE IF THIS IS THE GUY:
I am curious if you are bad at making friends, or if you just approach people of a certain type or have a certain look. For example, do you exclusively talk to beautiful women and don't give less attractive women a chance? Do you just talk to "cool" guys and don't give nerds and geeks a chance? If this is the case, then you are stacking the deck against yourself and need to give other people a chance too. People are surprisingly versatile and interesting once you get past your hangups.
Otherwise, what you describe usually stems from a lack of self confidence. You may think that people are not really interested in what you like, so you either don't discuss those things with them, or lack enthusiasm when you do. Maybe you are ashamed of those things because you think they say something about you that other people will find boring and dull.
There is nothing wrong with liking things that are boring and dull. For example, I like physics, astronomy, mathematics, writing software, philosphy, etc. I also like more common things like sports, religion, politics, and relationship issues. People are generally interested and engaged when we start off in some common topic like religion and then I take them into physics and how I apply physics to both religion and philosophy.
I also think that people can sense your motives in the conversation. Especially women. If you are nervous around them they will sense that you are not confident in what you are saying and will be turned off to you. They won't want to talk to you for long and will find a way to ditch the conversation. On the other hand, if you are just talking to them, they will not be put off and they will be more relaxed as well.
As an illustration of these points, I was getting my hair cut with my usual stylist. She is VERY beautiful and has a caring nature and likes to talk to me about stuff. She likes to talk to me because I am not nervous around her and I am married and not trying to impress her. I was telling her a funny story about how my 16 yr. old son declared that he was an athiest in the middle of a family function consisting of a room full of Catholics.
She was very curious about how I handled that, so I told her that I did not speak to him for a week until I could discuss it without strangling him and that I explained to him my view of physics and its proper place relative to religion. Then she asked about that. And so on and so on... She kept asking questions until I was explaining Quantum Physics and the meaning of the Heisenberg uncertainty principle along with other really boring *chit*. She wasn't faking interest, she was having a spiritual crisis of her own and was desperately trying to resolve it and said that the conversation helped her a lot by putting modern physics in it proper perspective.
When I start a conversation with people I ask about them and let them talk. I might fake an interest in what they are saying to keep them talking or I might really be interested - depends on the topic. Regardless, I am listening for things that I can link to my own personal experiences so that I can engage them further. At that point, the conversation will get better.
Sometimes, when I start the conversation, the other person feels like you do, so they quickly turn it around and ask me about myself. Sometimes I will tell a story about something that happened to me recently like the one about my son. I got a LOT of conversation mileage out of that one! Over the course of time I turned it into a funny story when I found people laughing at it. Sometimes I tell people about the things I like and let the chips fall where they may. Usually one of those topics is interesting to them, so they choose one and engage me further.
If they like me, then that is good. If they don't, then I move on and assume they have a problem with me that I can't help them with. Oh well...
People like to see that you really listen to them and engaging them as I described is one way to do that. If you can tell a story that relates to what they were talking about, then they know that you were really listening to them and they are more likely to find you interesting as well.
You need to get some self confidence. You do that by making small changes each day that add up over a long period of time. Do not be in a rush to fix this. It takes time to become a new person.
Click on my profile and check out my post to the teenager that lacked self confidence. I outline the steps I think lead to confidence.
In your case, I think you just lack confidence in developing friends and relationships. I think you put too much pressure on yourself to be interesting. It also helps to be knowledgeable on a wide range of topics. If you are too narrowly focused, then it is difficult for others to find common ground on which to relate to you.
People want to connect with others. You must have the confidence to believe that they want to connect with you. You also need to respect them by listening to them and engaging them in kind.
Hope this helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): Hello, I feel exactly the same way you do. I am awful at talking to people and whenever I go out with my friends I feel like I just watch them talking to other people while I stand there looking awkward.
I know this isn't an answer and doesn't help. But just to let you know you aren't the only one. x
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (1 September 2009):
 The first chapter of the book "How I raised myself from failure to success by Frank Bettger" talks about how "being enthusiastic" changed his life around.
It's the first chapter of the book, he went through something similar to you. I think you could really relate to the author.
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A
male
reader, tonik  +, writes (1 September 2009):
 Hello there, I am worried of what is happening to you, don't you think this has got to do with balancing your priorities. For example, it might be possible that you concerntrate too much on your work or the serious things in life, another thing could be that you are not really a Social-person, which is quite normal but this will mess up your life because in order to survive you need people, imagine having everything you wanted and living alone in a isolated place but with no people around? Would you really like that?
So what I'm saying to you is you can overcome your problem by either doing some team-building within the company colleagues first(which will improve your social skills) or go out on a vacation with your girlfriend and start to meet different people (who now have healthy relationships), I believe your problem can be fixed very soon if you make time to get the solution.
I hope this works out.
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A
female
reader, natmarie + ♥, writes (1 September 2009):
It could be that you have been socilaising with the wrong people - It's a bit mean of people to call you boring. They don't sound very kind!!
If you don;t feel that confident, why not try going to the gym a couple of times a week - this will really help both psychologically and physically, and maybe take an evening class, and find nice people to mix with, like yourself. :o)
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