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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 31 and have been married for just over 10 months and the problem is that I am ready to start having a family, but my husband want to leave it 'for a few years.' The thing is, he seemed very keen on children before we got married and I know deep down he really want kids, but I'm not prepared to wait for as long as he is. His reasons for waiting is that he wants to move to a bigger place (we live in a two bed apartment, which I think is fine). I just feel there is never a right time to have kids and that we should at least start trying now. After all, it could take us a while to conceive, you never know. I have other career plans which I want to pursue later on in life when children are older. Every time I try to talk, he says he feels under a lot or pressure and I feel as if I'm nagging him. Our sex life is suffering too.. Should I just lay off the pressure or what should I do?
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female
reader, Natalie-x +, writes (9 July 2006):
 Well, he may well feel under a lot of pressure. But assure him you're not trying to force him into doing something. Sit down with him and calmly explain that you're happy where you're living and talk about your career plans.
If it comes a couple of years and he still doesn't want children maybe you should talk to him and explain you cant be with a man who doesn't want children. Good luck!
A
female
reader, helpful girl  +, writes (6 July 2006):
 lay off the presure defanately evrytime you put presure on some one to do something it always makes them have more negative thoughts about the situation. may be his not ready and maybe you think you are but you really have to think are you seriously ready because once you have a child you can go back and get rid of it. would you like to have more money? a bigger place were in the future you could have kids with out a small apartment being an exsvuse. would you like to hold on to see weather you and your partner will be together in another few years time? maybe these are all the questions running in his mind and you cant give him the guarntee yes your still be together in a few years time. and maybe you should really consontrate on getting your sex life back on track before the kids. and also youve just got married just wait to see if the marrage goes well first.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (5 July 2006):
 It sounds as if your husband wants everything to be right before having children, a bigger place costs money, and maybe he feels that by moving into a property more suitable for when children come along now is easier done while you do not have the financial commitment of children. You should talk to him about it and ask how long he considers it will take to achieve what he wants, if it's an acceptable time frame maybe you should drop the subject for a while and then he may feel less pressured.
Having children should always be a joint decision and you should accept your husband's wishes to a point. Of course if he has completly changed his mind about becoming a father (which I doubt) maybe you should consider whether you married the right guy.
Putting off having children for a year or two shouldn't hinder any career plans you have, enjoy married life for a while without children, believe me, a blessing they are but children change your life forever.
Good luck!
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