A
male
age
36-40,
*ostboy1121
writes:Hi. I'm 27 and my gf broke up with me about one month ago. We had a great time for a while and she told me things like she wasn't going anywhere and I was amazing while we were together. We were in a ldr for about six months. I had my problems, but I don't think they were too terribly bad. I would focus on the wrong things sometimes. But when it was good it was great. An example would be that I would complain about not getting a lot of time with her when I probably should've just been grateful for what time we had together. Her life kept getting busier and mine has been that way. I read into things too deep, and got tunnel vision, and I think in my opinion she read too deep too. She mentioned a few things along the way, like me being Moody, but never really "shouted" it my way. We agreed at the beginning we would call each other out on our problems....but I didn't get much. I am not so experienced at long term or even six month relationships. I don't know What to think. She said first that she needed space, and I thought it was because of my problems, but I tried to fix them, talked o her air it and then she broke up with me anyway, after she said we could try again. The night she decided against me I was worried, got wasted, and crowded her space at a concert, then cried when she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship later that night, while drunk. I want her back because I think I might love her. We never yelled and most conversations during her space, and after the breakup were calm. I fee like she was searching for problems to blame it on, or my problems really were the cause. She knows I'm aware of What I did wrong now though, and I Just want to know if and how to get her back. And what I should believe. Right now she still talks to me but not frequently and I've been wishy washy on trying to be her friend or not. She knows This, because I've changed my mind about four times already on her. She made a promise that she'd come to me when she was ready, but also told me not to wait. I am confused.... hurt...I miss her. I am also guilty of being a "watered down" version of myself around her. Any help please.thanks.
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female
reader, pixiegirls +, writes (2 December 2010):
 One of the most common fallouts from a break up are wanting to get back together, or changing/promise to change some behaviors that someone might have complained about. It is still only a short time since your ex-girlfriend decided to break things off, and may still be difficult to look at the big picture of the relationship.
I would guess she was not too thrilled with getting wasted, hung on her, then cried at the concert. Definitely shows some neediness. But I also don’t think that being emotional at the concert was the straw that did you in. It sounds as though she had been trying to end things for some time, but was trying to do so in a gentle manner. For this, you should be appreciative. She was not looking for things as a reason to break up, but looking for the words. Do not wait, nor expect her to come to you (why she told you not to wait). Again, she may be trying to spare your feelings.
It is really much too soon for either of you, but harder on you, to begin a friendship. You need some time to be apart, without any contact, and know you will be and feel okay if your next conversation is just friendly in nature. It is important that you begin to heal, before you tackle the “friendship” with your ex, or go out and start dating again. You will know when it’s time. As each day goes by, you will not see yourself as a “watered down” version….but as someone who is beginning to get through the hurt. During the healing process, you will also see your relationship in a completely different light, and will blame yourself less.
I’m sorry you have to go through this heartache….we all end up having to go through it at one time or another. But realize that if you never experienced heartache and pain, you would never be able to recognize what something great feels like. Good luck to you!
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