A
female
age
41-50,
*itchelldee
writes:hi there,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 months now.i love him very much and i know he loves me. the problem is im always scratching thru his things to find out what he and his ex got up too.im worried this is becoming an obsession now cos im doing it almost evryday.the ex was an avarage looking girl.all my boyfriends friends have told him im hot,so i really have no reason to wory about her but i do.oh another thing his exes sister brings her 2 kids to visit him for a couple of hrs when they are on school holidays which i dont like.we spoke about it and i told him i dont want them to visit us,but he says he likes the kids and he cant tell them to stop visiting.he says i have got nothing to worry about he loves me.
View related questions:
his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, scrazy  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 That is one unhealthy obsession.
It seems to me like you're trying to find reason to mistrust your boyfriend. You say you know he loves you - but if you really believed that, you wouldn't be going through all of his things.
You need to forget about this girl, it's only going to hinder your relationship and hurt you both in the end.
But I have to ask, so what if his ex was an average looking girl and his friends say 'you're hot'? Are you afraid that your looks aren't enough to keep him?
Well, you're right about that, beauty is only skin deep and it takes more then good looks to keep a relationship together.
As for his ex's sister bringing her kids around - you can't stop her from doing that.
Why don't you like it so much? Because it just sounds to me, like you want his attention only on you and you don't like that these kids are receiving some of his love?
Or do you not like a piece of his ex (even though it's her sister) in his life?
I wouldn't recommend trying to put a stop to that relationship, it's not fair to the kids and it will only make him resent you in the end.
Stop looking back in your boyfriend's past, right now you're in his present and future. So keep moving forward with that and don't look back.
xo
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (6 July 2008):
 The more you search, the more inadequate you're going to keep making yourself feel, and the more trouble you're going to bring into the relationship. Try to close the door on the ex, and concentrate on the present and your relationship, otherwise you'll never be able to move forward.
i just have to comment on your comment about "all my boyfriends friends have told him im hot,so i really have no reason to wory about her but i do." - it's not always about looks, more often than not someone's personality makes them alot sexier than a very attractive person with a crappy personality!
As for the kids, it's not really fair of you to make your boyfriend stop seeing them, if they'd got attatched to him, they wouldn't understand not being able to see him, plus if you put your foot down and refuse to let him see them, you might end up alienating your boyfriend and eventually losing him.
Jealousy is a very ugly emotion, like I said, try to move on in your relationship and let the ex go...
...............................
|
