A
male
age
51-59,
*nluckyguy
writes:Have had an infatuation turned obsession with a lady that was my neighbor, employee and wife's friend. Both she and i are married. I became attracted to her in 2006 when she came to work for me and we had to work closely. She slowly took an effect on me to where she is all I thought about. I wanted her out of my mind as I was unable to concentrate, work etc. Over a period of time, I did not ever think anything would develop as she never gave any indication having any feelings for me. We would have discussions though and I'd ask her lots of quuestions in an effort to get to know everything about her - her likes, dislikes, etc. Finally, one afternoon we were working and having drinks. I kissed her. She did not resist. We developed a relationship sexually that led to about 16 different times of sex. Much farther than I had ever thought would happen. All the time leading up, I told myself I'd be happy the rest of my life if I simply got a kiss...let alone all the things I experienced. I had seen a therapist in the early stages of my infatuation as I truly wanted the thoughts of her to stop and go away. My therapist said..'one time never works'...it only fuels the fire. That was indeed a true statement.Anyway, during all this, I took a new job across the state. Used my connections/input to get her elevated to my position. We continued our relationship some after that. Now that I'm away from her, I still am obsessed. Why? I don't know. Now, I even have this thing in my head that she may have 'used' me to get what she wanted - my position. The last time we were together, she said the stress of hiding it etc. and making bad choices continually was taking its toll. What ma I to think. How can I move forward and get her out of my mind forever? She is 40 and i'm 44.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2008): Sit yourself down and ask yourself what good can come of this situation? Are you going to leave your wife?, Is she going to leave her husband? How many people are you hurting by continuing this illicit affair? If your going to play with fire then it's fair to say that your going to get burnt and there just isn't a reasonable solution out of it.
You seem to have reached a point in your obsession where you are starting to blame her or create reasons why she might have started an affair with you. This just isn't healthy. You seem like a level headed man who's just got himself caught up in an impossible situation.
Put this woman aside and look at your own relationship with your wife. Can anything be done to improve things so you arn't lusting after other women? If not maybe you should give women a miss at the moment, get a divorce and go back to basics...hard isn't it? far better to fool yourself into carrying on this obsession and give yourself a thrill??? The only problem is that your just going to continue to make yourself crazy and if your wife finds out, your lifes going to be in an even bigger mess. You could lose everything.
Your a grown man, make plans with your wife, go dancing, take up a hobby or take a vacation...anything to get this woman out of your head. She is obviously feeling the strain so give her up and find some peace.
Good luck and let us know how it ends!!!
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