A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Long story. It began in early 2005, I had recently moved and joined a new school in the 11th form. I used to take the bus to school, and well, there was this girl who was on the same bus... and during every ride we took on the bus, every day, over the next several months, we used to gaze at each other until we made eye-contact, at which point, we'd immediately look away - only to look back a moment later. It was surreal, like there was just the two of us in there, and everything else faded away. So that continued to happen, and it affected me in a very deep way. One of those days, while we were walking to the bus, I was a few steps behind her, and I noticed her talking to herself. Later, I deduced that she'd joined the school recently as well. I mean, it's quite ineffable, I began noticing her little idiosyncrasies - like, every day, as we walked in through the school door, she'd inconspicuously raise her arm, and gently touch the cold, door frame; or, how she'd hold her hand over her eyes, to shade them against the sun.During one of those rides on the bus, I happened to occupy the seat right behind the one she was sitting in. She was with a friend, and they were talking, and every now and then she used to look over her shoulder and touch and stroke her hair, or play with her ear-rings. Her face was flushed, and she used to inexplicably look behind as she smiled or laughed at something that her friend said... I still remember how pretty she looked that day.A few months later, she switched buses, 'cause I guess she settled in and made a few friends who used to take the other bus. One day, I walked back to the bus right after school; nobody was around the bus as the final period wouldn't end until a few minutes. As I got in and turned to the right to make my way along the aisle, I noticed her sitting right in the center of the last row of seats, with her bag beside her, and she gazed at me straight in my eyes and held her gaze for a few seconds, with this look on her face which seemed to ask "Well... what now?" I felt a bit shaken, and quickly shuffled my way into one of the seats in front.After that, we wouldn't see each other regularly. One day at school, I couldn't find a chair in the Chemistry lab, so I had to go the Bio lab to borrow one. As I walked in, I noticed that she was there with a friend - just the two of them - and as soon as she saw me, she lowered her gaze towards the floor, and didn't let it budge until I left the room. They were talking as I entered, and the abrupt silence made me feel really knotted up, wanting to grab the chair and get out of there as soon as I could.A few months later, I would graduate and leave school. She's 3 years younger to me, so she's in her final form this year.It's such a shame... we live within two blocks of each other, and if I wanted to, I could be at her door in 5 minutes. But...After school (post-2006), after realizing that I couldn't stop thinking about her, I tried to see her on a few occasions. Some days, I used to wait near the bus stop at about the time school got over, so that I could catch a glimpse of her as she walked home. On a few occasions I did; mostly, I didn't.The last time both of us saw each other was in... I think, sometime around October-December 2006. I was walking home, and just as I turned the corner into the street that houses her apartment... I see her right opposite, walking into me, and I felt butterflies run amok in my stomach, god! She was with her mum, and I hastily walked across. After I walked past, I turned around, hoping to see her do the same - but she didn't.Soon after that, in early 2007 I found her profile online. And I've been logging on everyday, watching her profile. It's strange, I could hardly glean anything from that, though, 'cause she's so terse (at least in her online interactions), almost to the point of being rude, even with friends.So, that's what I've been doing, watching her profile for the past few years.A month ago, my, mmm, interest exploded, and I broke into her email account. I saved all logs, and read them overnight. I got to know a few things about her that way. I also got some photographs of her. She's incredibly beautiful, and I lose sense of everything, gazing at her pictures, for hours...She hasn't reclaimed the account as yet, and that's killing me. I hope she takes it back soon. I know that people will condemn it (breaking into someone's email) as a sick thing to do, hell, it's illegal, but...I think if she ever does come to know of this, she'll never forgive me. I wish I could empathize with what somebody in that position might feel, but I'm sorry I can't, 'cause I don't have anything personal in my mailbox, as I'm a recluse and don't know anybody.I can't stop thinking about her, and I wish I could understand why. I've also dreamt about her sometimes, and then I wake up in the middle of the night and run into the bathroom to look at my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes, I cry.I may have to go away soon, college ends this summer, and I think if there's anything to be done, I better try it now. It's already too late, I'm afraid. :-/ It's been 4 years, almost. We haven't seen each other in 2 years.I wish I could do something about this. I really needed to let this out, so if anybody can say something about this, it would be a great help. Thanks.
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male
reader, Twist133 +, writes (15 August 2010):
dude, i have the same thing as you with a girl in my school, i hate to say it but im obsessed with this girl too, i know how you feel, sometimes, i cry so much i send myself to sleep and i feel so bad because sometimes i think im going crazy, ive got pics of her on my laptop and i feel the need to just stear at them all day, shes so beautiful, but dont worry, your not alone mate :'(
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): With regards to the kid that wrote about the girl on the bus; find her and tell her how u think you feel about her. Just be honest with her over a coffee or something.
The worst that could happen is she tells you to get lost. At least there will be closure.
Bottom line: even if it doesn't work out with her, you need to apply this lesson learned for the rest of your life, which is to act. Nothing will fall in your lap. At the least you cannot expect anything to fall into your lap. You gotta go after what you want in life.
It seems like you were both vibing each other on repeated cocasions. That is a signal to engage. I don't know if it's instinct, animal, or love, but it is a signal nonetheless. Do not be afraid of failure. godspeed.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): Jeez, how hard would it have been to just say hello to her? You should've eased up and followed your impulse, esp. if you felt so strongly about it. Pretty sad.
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (7 October 2008):
 Firstly breaking into someones account and reading and looking at her pictures is kinda stalkerish and extremly creepy.
I feel bad that you did not make the effort when you where at school together but this seems very obsessive to the point of being scary. Lets be honest how much do you know about this girl have you ever had a conversation does she even know your name? Because it migh turn out she is not all that great.
Now you can either go off to college make friends (because its seems that you need some no offence) and forget about her, or next time you see her strike up a conversation and see what happens.
This obesseion does have to stop and stop NOW because your obsessed over someone you dont even know.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): You need to see someone professional about this. Breaking into her e-mail account?? That's not just wrong, it's creepy and weird! You're stalking her, and most likely all her behavior over the years has been due to extreme discomfort because of the things you do. This is not okay, at all. Seriously. See a shrink. You will get over her in time. Find a hobby - do SOMETHING, but leave this poor girl alone. It is too late and you are invading her privacy. She would not only never forgive you, but she would be disgusted and scared. Get help.
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