A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy one last year and felt like he was the one. I became so fixed on the idea of him and fantasizing about him. I put up this perfect illusion of him. But we had only met once. A year later, recently, he visited me for about 5 days overseas (he wanted to check out country and knew I was living here now, no big deal) we hit it off exactly how I imagined. Some of my realities of his visit were better than my fantasies. Some of them weren't. The last night we went too far and got physical but it happened too fast and not how I imagined. I got a bit annoyed that the romance kind of was gone because we went at it too quickly. I also have been diagnosed with having ocd. The kind where you get a thought and you can't let it go. The last day he was here, I was tired and a bit delusional and started to analyze his face thinking he looked like my cousin or was too small for me. I was so attracted to him the whole year and even the whole week until the last day when I got tired. I didn't want him to leave and I have never in my life connected or clicked with someone like this before but I want ready to get physical and that bothers me and also I am picking on his face and his small quirks like how he could be a bit jumpy sometimes our doors yoga and that's a bit girly. He's a manly guy but I don't know what's wrong with me. I am getting annoyed a at my self for being picky when I actually found someone who gets me in every level, the sex was amazing, everything fit and I don't think anyone can compare but then why am I not on cloud 9? Why am I hung up on quirks and looks and attraction? He's very attractive and my type but I am just being picky now. As soon as a guy like me, I do this. I want it to work with us but with my brain, I'm not sure if I will even be able to handle this. I'm not used to relationships, it's scary and I feel pressure. Is this normal when something is new and different or is he not the one? I want him to be the one but is it the idea of him or is this real? Everything fit except somethings just bothering me. I'm not sure what.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 May 2014):
 If you have been diagnosed with OCD I strongly advice you find a way to get CBT (Cognitive behavioral therapy) because it CAN help.
When I say DIAGNOSED I mean by a doctor, not by WebMD or on the Internet.
Same with CBT - you need a therapist who is familiar and have treated people with OCD.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): Whoa, don't do that!
You must take life one day at a time.
If you're out of the country. Wait until you get home to seek the help you need. Just make sure your mate understands where you're coming from, so he doesn't think you're being mean.
Don't be mean to yourself either!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just did some research. I might have relationship ocd. It really stinks to be me. I can't enjoy life. I currently an out of the country. No insurance
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): If you have healthcare insurance, you may want to check with your healthcare provider to find out what they will pay for.
There is an American flag displayed in the heading of your post. This usually depicts your country of origin. I assume you are American. If you can't afford treatment, you should check with your local department of social services to determine if there is cost-free counseling available.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks! I agree with what you said but therapy is expensive. It's not something I can afford right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2014): I believe you are overcome with the symptoms of your disorder, and you are not quite ready to handle a relationship. At least not at this time. The pressure maybe triggering your compulsive behavior.
Your post is full of many contradictions; and you don't seem to be able to maintain consistency or concentration. Perhaps you may need to seek counseling and treatment for awhile; and not push yourself so hard to be "normal."
You have to allow yourself to adjust to things as best as you can. Right now, I think your OCD might be prevailing over your emotions; and you're not able to override or control your impulses. This might all be moving too fast for you.
You'll be able to function fine to some extent; then the OCD may have a major influence over your emotional responses and behavior. You must accept that you have limitations.
You shouldn't be preoccupied with making comparisons to what is normal; when you know you suffer from a psychological disorder that requires treatment, and involves much effort to overcome.
You should maintain your counseling and therapy sessions. Explain your feelings to your therapist; so that you may benefit from a professional opinion, and receive the proper advice to help you cope.
It's great that you have found someone; and you both care for each other. This is always going to be a challenge for you. However; you will probably do fine to some limited degree.
You have pointed out that you're feeling pressure and fear. This will create anxiety. That accounts for your episodes of mood-swings and erratic behavior. Do your best not to say hurtful things. This will be difficult; because of how your brain functions.
Sometimes he will not understand your quirks and misinterpret your behavior. Everyone is nervous in a new relationship. It's better to say what is common, rather than generalizing by saying what is "normal." Normal is a subjective term.
If you feel pressure, that means your condition may require professional care. Unless you have told him you suffer from OCD, he will not understand why you are being so critical. He will interpret that behavior as mean-spirited.
If you wish to maintain this relationship, you must tell him more about yourself.
You must also be forthcoming with therapist, for an effective professional opinion. You'd have a better understanding of your feelings and reactions.
You are cognizant of what you do wrong; but at the same time you act on impulse, due to your condition.
No one should be denied love and affection. You shouldn't try to hide your condition either. Otherwise, he will form his on conclusions without all the facts. Even if he knows, he may not always be able to deal with your behavior. That's always a risk, in any relationship. You're would be more of a challenge; because you have an illness.
You can't leave your partner in the dark about your quirks and erratic impulses. He doesn't need to know all your business; but he does need to know that you do receive treatment for your disorder.
If you should be actively receiving therapy sessions, I hope you are not avoiding them. If you must take medication; I hope you are compliant with your doctor's instructions.
In any case, you may want to discuss your feelings with your therapist. We can only offer you an unprofessional opinion and general advice here.
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