A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I havn't been with my bf for very long now, but I love him and he's great. The thing is he tends to be more serious about the relationship that me...Don't get me wrong I am committed and everything, but I'm not planning my enitre future with him just yet..Anyhow his friend kinda hinted to me that my by was planning to propose on Valentines day...I'm worried because I'm not ready to be engaged or married...I don't want to ask him about it, but what if he really is going to ask me to marry him?? How hurt do to think he would be if I said no?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (27 February 2008):
 Hooray!!!
Well, I am very glad that you avoided that awkward situation. Fabulous! Hopefully, next time a proposal comes up for you, you'll be totally excited and ready to say yes!
xx India
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm glad to say that there was no proposal...yay. However the subject of marraige did come, but it was so much more comfortable just talking about it rather then being asked to say yes or no...
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (13 February 2008):
 Best of luck! Glad I could help. Let me know what happens :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks much to both of you...I think I'm going to drop strong hints over the next two days...hmmm hopefully I'm just paranoid right now and he won't propose...but wish me luck just the same.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (12 February 2008):
Hey sweetness,
Only two days until Valentine's Day - you have to act fast! You have three options:
a) Tell him immediately that you are not interested in marrying him yet and try to be honest and truthful in letting him know that you're not ready.
b) Try to subtly hint that you're not ready. Drop it into conversation - make it clear without directly calling him out that you're not ready.
c) Do nothing until he's down on one knee and then tell him no.
All of those would work pretty well... me being a pansy, I would suggest bringing it up casually in conversation. "I mean, I really love you, but I am just enjoying being young and living life. Marriage, babies - someday, but not any time soon. Our life is just so great as it is right now..."
Okay, not the most eloquent thing I've ever come up with, but you should get the gist. Bring it up that you're happy with him but you're not quite ready for marriage quite yet. Do it before he even brings it up, so he doesn't need to put himself on the line only to get rejected - that will only hurt more.
Drop lots of hints so hopefully he gets the point. Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (12 February 2008):
Hmmm. If you're suspicious, the time to act is now!! Especially if you think he will do it on Valentines day. I guess you have to ask yourself; which would be worse?: A) You sit him down, talk about your relationship and give him a hint that while you treasure your relationship with him, you are not yet ready to take the next step. B) You ignore your suspicions and risk him proposing to you and if he does, you turn him down. Or worse yet! C) You ignore your suspicions and risk him proposing to you and if he does, you say yes to avoid him feeling embarrassed (Not that I think you would choose option C if it became a reality!).
But getting to the point, I think if you are concerned then you should talk with him. Explain to him how you feel about him, but that you are not ready for marriage yet. That way he can avoid proposing (if he was going to), and will feel better having not embarrassed himself (And I would like to say that that isn't suppose to sound bad on your part). Also, it means you will both know where you stand with eachother, which in relationships is generally a good thing in itself.
I'd like to believe that you are thinking irrationally, but all the same, since you are concerned, it would be much better to address it now, than take a chance and wait. Best of luck to you!
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