A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All,I was hoping for help with a question that's been grinding away at me for a while now.I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now, and our relationship is wonderful, warm, and loving. We are both educated professionals, and share many similar outlooks on life.However, there is an 8 year age-gap between us (I am 23, he is 31). He is beginning to think about having children. I DO wish to have children in the future, but I am not ready yet (I would like to enjoy the freedom of young adulthood first). I worry that when the time comes that he wants marriage, children, etc. I will still not feel ready. I adore this man and want to build a life with him. Am I sabotaging our relationship with needless worry and doubt? How do people in similar situations reconcile the timing of things like childbirth, or retirement?Thank you! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (2 October 2008):
I think you need to be clear with him about when you want kids etc. Tell him now that you don't want them before you are 30 or whenever. Don't let him get his hopes up, be clear from the start so he knows where he stands.
I'm 25 and have no interest in kids for a long while yet, so don't think you are the only woman in the world who wants to travel and achieve more in life than spewing out babies.
Whether it's more important to him to be a dad than to be with you is something I can't say but I think it'd be his loss if he wants to trade in a strong independent woman like you for a clingy broody mummy wannabe.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): Having a child is a huge resposibilty. Don't be rushed into it. I'm sorry that I am being unfair to your partner but really if you are not ready, then wait. Tell him that you need a few more years. There are no guarantees in life you can only make decisions on how you feel now. He is 31 and that is young. I don't see the need to rush so much.
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