A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Over the last year or so, I became good friends with this girl I work with. We get along really well, but I don't see or talk to her often outside of work, or anything like that, though. I think I'm starting to "like" her a little more; actually, more than a friend should. I don't typically "look" for girls to date (honestly, I've never had a girlfriend, never dated, or anything like that), and I like spending time with her at work when I can. Thing is, I'm really not in a position to date (and I don't think I will be for the next few years). My life is pretty much a mess, has been for a while, and will probably take me years to sort it out. Not to mention, I don't think she's interested in me in that way, because she is engaged and getting married next year.I don't really get the feeling that she's interested in me as anything more than a friend. And I'm okay with that. I'm just... worried that I might start getting ideas in my head, let my feelings grow stronger for her and ending up falling for her. I like what we have, I just don't really trust myself to not start wanting more. How do I stop myself from wanting more?
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (8 December 2013):
 Your friendship is not doing you any favour but leaving you wanting more and reminding you what you don't have. It's hard to distance from her since you work together but how about befriending other coworkers? Continue to work on getting your life on track. The next few years would be smoother if you take it one day at a time and work on small achievable goals.
This is a delicate issue but what I suggest is being open with her about it. If you want to share with her about this you have to emphasize that this is not about getting with her or wrecking her relationship but your admittance will help you move on from any crazy ideas. It's when it's secretive that's prolongs the pain of crushing on someone. It helps when you can meet her fiance so that your friendship is not a threat to the relationship. When you see how good their relationship is then you would stop ideas in your head. Your friendship status is a shield to a temptation of an affair so when you are upfront about yourself, your intention then there is trust between the three of you.
You either do this or you distance yourself from her and not meet her outside of work. It depends on how much you value this friendship.
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