A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello I'm new to this and am typing this because I feel so down and like life is passing me by and I have no purpose. My relationship has just ended as I didn't think he could make me really happy and I'm mid-thirties and newly single and feel that all my friends have everything I want. I feel like the black sheep and that I will never find someone I can settle with and have kids. I dont own a house and cant ever see me owning one, I live in rented accomodation with a friend, am worried I will never have any kids and I feel like a failure. I get embarrassed going round any of my girlfriends houses now as all they do is talk about their husbands and children and I feel like such a loser. I hate feeling like this but I never think I will find Mr Right. I think about my old boyfriend all the time, we went out for 5 yrs and ended nearly 3 yrs ago. I want to forget him but when I feel my failure I think back to how happy I was with him. I dont beleive in going back - I just want things to start happening for ME, I feel like I'm on the shelf.Any advice would be fantastic x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jellyfish12  +, writes (2 February 2010):
I can relate to what you are going through. I am also in my thirties, divorced and wanting kids but it doesn't look like it is in the near future. A few ideas: one is to accept that things have changed. Yes they are obviously not what you planned for but the sooner you accept things the sooner you can move on. Two: find new friends who don't remind you of your old life, people who are in similar circumstances as you will make you happy about yours too. Three: like someone else said, follow your dreams (that you had before you got married). For me it's going back to school full time and getting my BA. I can tell you once you go for another missed dream your outlook changes dramatically (for the better). Anyway, hope I didn't blab too much, just my 2 cents. Hope it helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): I know that situation all too well. I was engaged and fiance called off the wedding a month before. I was living w/ him. It was hard and I am 35 w/ no kids yet. I was feeling like you are for a little while, however, now I have accepted it all and realize that I have to learn to be happy with the way things are and when it is meant to be, I will find that special someone. Just try to change your perspective on things. There are many people in our situation.
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A
female
reader, vanilla  +, writes (3 January 2009):
 Hi, I am sorry that you feel this way but you can look on the bright side of things. There is a positive outlook on life. First, you have to start taking care of #1 and that's you. You should speak positive things into your life. Second, you should go after your dreams and goals in life. I am sure there is something wonderful about you that only you knows that will get you motivated. A healthy you will benefit you the most. Start an exercise plan, or start helping someone else with their needs. It surely will take your mind off your own problems. Time will heal the hurt in your heart. Never look at what someone else has because surely material things do not make one happy. Go out and buy yourself something new in other words get up and make yourself happy. It will not come to you, you have to go to it! I have learned to take time out for me and do what makes me happy. I have found giving to be good for me, what a wonderful feeling. You could give of your time, you could buy some flowers and just give to someone in a nursing home or even give yourself some flowers. You deserve it. Look deep inside of you and you will find it. DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY my friend.
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A
female
reader, OSCARS MUMMY +, writes (2 January 2009):
 being married is not everything believe me! mid thirties is still so young, you have your life ahead of you, you could meet someone tomorrow? the future should be exciting not bleak - whether you rent or own a house you do have a home and it seems you have plenty freinds who think a lot of you. I'm sure at times they get fed up with their hubbies and think oh my god what have i done and would kill to be in your position again. You have a long relationship of 5 years and i know it must be hard for you, but you must fill your life with fun and activities - atleast you arent married to some loser with lots of children and cant find a way out??? You have you whole life ahead of you fill it with good things xx
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