A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I tried searching for answers or useful information online, couldn't really find it, and so I came here. It's a long distance relationship, and we're going to meet in a week! After 4 months apart. Now at this point I feel that I should in all reality be as happy as ever. But I am not happy at all. I feel depressed, sad, I cry over everything. The thought of finally seeing him again makes me cry so bad. Now I could hope these are tears of joy, but I don't know really. I was hoping anyone on here could recognize these emotions and help me make sense of them. The first month being apart from him was horrible like expected, but I didn't cry as much as I did the first time we were apart. The first period we were apart lasted for about 2 months. Then this time it was 4 months. Last time I was overjoyed with the thought of finally seeing him again. Now I feel like grieving. It feels kinda like he's dead and that all this time Ive just been in denial. I got a gift from him in the mail yesterday, it got delayed for several weeks in the mail (stupid customs). A part of the gift was a used t-shirt of his that smelled of him. I can't stop smelling it, but at the same time it makes me so so sad, and it hurts so much. Feeling like I do I have no idea how it's going to be when he gets here in a week. Of course, neither do you. I am just lost and scared from my own feelings, I don't know how to deal with them or what they mean. Thoughts of telling him to not come have even crossed my mind, so many times that I suggested to him perhaps it would be best he didn't come here. He said no, that he needs me and that I need him. So any good ideas for why I feel this way? Why instead of being happy with the fact that he'll be here soon, I am grieving because of the time I've been without him?
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