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I'm looking for a gay partner, but I am told that people can't tell that I'm gay.. how do I change this to attract the right people?

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Question - (6 June 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 10 June 2010)
A male United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So after coming into terms that I'm gay, actually this was at age 18. Its been two years and now I am twenty. I am not as shy as I used to be but it appears I can't get any guy to really like me.

From my part I try to do what I can I groom myself but not like too much, I stay fit by often going to the gym, as well as other essentials. Now anytime someone directly

Asks me ill tell them I am gay, but what worries me is that I was under the impression I carried myself in a manner where it was evident that I was gay

however a few days ago in the hopes they would verify for me that you could tell I was gay I asked my group of guy friends, had I not told them would they have figured out I was and they said no. Bear in mind my friends are brutally honest,

So my question is how can I act the part more...while still retaining my own personality to catch a fellow gay man's eye.

I know its overrated in the gay community to have that guy that "acts straight" however, that perturbs me...I don't want to be perceived as straight just because I act a little more butch than the flamboyant type of gay male which by the way I am not picky with what type of gay man likes me or I like...I just really want someone to love me and I want someone to love.

View related questions: shy

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A male reader, AvgGuy1 United States +, writes (10 June 2010):

AvgGuy1 agony auntI too have this problem as I'm no screaming nelly queen and MOST people who work with me can't believe it... until they've known me for a while.

You could wear T-shirts that are 'obvioius'(there are some that are humorous and subtle), but seriously... you need to get out there to bars and clubs. If you're in the mid-west or some place rural, this might be a little difficult - and the t-shirt idea above should probably be avoided.

And just like in the straight world... NO is just a word. So talk to guys, ask them out if you get the vibe from them (especially while you're in a gay bar). You don't have to go home and sleep with them right then and there. Get their phone number, You can always meet up for breakfast, lunch, dinner, movie, a party, whatever.

Good luck.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010):

If you want to meet more guys out there, try to joint gay bar or some dating site available in the network. You should involved yourself more into the gay community if you want to have a relationship with guy, meet as many gay guys as possible. Trust me, even if things did not work out as what u would like, i bet that they will introduce more gay friends and eventually you meet someone u like.

Best Luck

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A female reader, Ace735 United States +, writes (7 June 2010):

Ace735 agony auntwell if you have the could got to a gay bare or move to a gayborhood, a neighborhood that is all homosexuals, and bisexuals!

and i think its really cool that you are proud to be gay :D

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010):

A cute little pink or red crop-top with 'HELLO BOYS' printed on it might make your sexuality a little more visibly apparent to others. Mine has come in very handy once or twice. You'll need to be featherweight skinny to get away with it, though.

Really, you don't need to 'act the part', just be yourself. There's no point going to any great lengths to change the way you act around other people - genuine beats 'acting' every time.

You say you're a bit 'butch'? Lots of flamboyant/feminine-type gay guys totally LOVE straight-acting, well-built men who act and appear straight but happen to be gay. In fact - at least speaking for myself - it's probably the most desired, sought-after, 'type' there is! (Like 'wow I can't believe I got him, I thought he was straight')

You can maybe work a little on giving away coded hints through 'gay' mannerisms, but if you're generally very 'bloke-ish' in the way you carry yourself, it would be ridiculous for you to start flouncing around like a fashion designer and discarding your wrists all the time.

Nothing wrong with who you are. Get out there and chat guys up. And feel free to openly tell guys you're gay if you think they haven't worked it out. I tend to be kind of 'on my guard' around guys I think are straight, so it could be that that's what happening with you.

Happy hunting, and good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010):

It's not a matter of trying to show that you are gay. It's just a matter of getting out there and meeting other gay men.

Why do you have to catch their eye? Why don't you just approach a guy you like instead? I have a load of gay friends and only one of them is slightly feminine.

Just be yourself, you are who you are, you don't have to change yourself to find a man, just keep being your healthy happy self and when you see a guy you like, go for it.

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