A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I strated dating a guy when I was 17, but then moved to college and we drifted. I met someone else and broke up with him when I was 19. I don't think I was very nice about it and I really think I broke his heart ( He is a few years older than I am). I went out with the guy I dumped him for at college for 2 years and about a year ago he cheated on me with one of my best friends in my year and everything went sour. I later met my current boyfriend who is lovely, he's charming but like everyone has his flaws.This is the problem, I keep thinking of the guy I dated when I was 17. So not my ex, but my ex ex - if that makes sense? I found myself thinking about him frequently when in the relationship with the guy from college but now I'm thinking about him again.He hasn't had a girlfriend since me (5 years ago) and says he still loves me. I don't love him, I love my current boyfriend but I'm really worried that I think of him. I've seen him about twice since we broke up for a drink and we got on very well. The was definatly still chemistry.I have no interest in cheating on my current boyfriend, because like I said, I love him but I'm worried that I think of him. Is it because I know I didn't treat him well and didn't get closure, or is there something else happening here?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 April 2010):
No, it's just that you're feeling a bit guilty. You know you don't love him, so I think the best thing you can do for yourself is to say that you're sorry for what happened years ago, then say that you both should make a break and move on. To stay around him will be to hurt him more, and you both need to move on from this.
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 If its upsetting to you to think of him, and these thoughts honestly don't make you want to do anything, like get closer to your ex-ex, then stop communicating with him in any way. Un-friend him on all social sites, delete his number and definitely don't have drinks with him again. This might be a kinder way of helping him to move on, too.
Its easy to idealize someone from our past, no current relationship can compete with a fantasy like that. A relationship you just "drifted" from as a teenager with a boy who has loved you (supposedly) for 5 years. It doesn't sound like you really give it much credit, so its probably best to truly end whatever is going on, and commit fully to your current boyfriend. If you break up with your current guy for whatever reason, you can always try to look up your ex at that point, when you are free of attachments. Otherwise, its a little unfair to boy guys involved.
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