A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I just found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago. completely by surprise i am always careful with my birth control and my youngest child is 18 years old with out so much as a scare since he was born. My boyfriend did not take it well. we have been together for 3.5 years . Well as I finally began to become use to the idea and actually get excited . I began to bleed lightly , went to the ED my HCG level ws 14235 48 hours later a repeat test my levels are 19873 . they didnt double my light bleeding is off and on . the sono showed a gestational sac and yolk sac no fetal pole. basiclly means I will miscarry.Instead of being supportive and trying to be comforting . He just said I am sorry but its for the best for both of us . He went on to say you were being forced to have this baby because of your beliefs. He also said I don't want to a Dad anyways.As I laid there in tears greiving my impending miscarriage . ( i will admit I was pretty short tempered) he rattled on about how I could get a D and C and it will be fine . His ex wife had 2 miscariages so he knows what goes on . His great words of comfort were this wasn't in our future plans so you were meant to miscarry.AS it is christmas weekend I can't get into the doctor office until Monday .I am not sure what to do about my BF . I don't know if I am taking everything wrong bc of my grief or if he is being and jerk
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010):
He's been through this traumatic experience several times. He may have some deep seeded issues with the idea of pregnancy because his ex miscarried several times and then you did as well. I can't imagine having to endure this experience more than once in a lifetime. He might be showing a stoic exterior because he is trying to cope with this loss in a "manly" way.
The same thing happened with me and my ex. When he wasn't supportive enough it caused a great deal of tension and I eventually left him. Several months later a close mutual friend was talking to him about it and he told her that he thought that, although he was deeply saddened by our loss, he needed to be strong and rational so that we could move on. He started acting like he didn't care because he was trying to convince himself that he didn't. I never had the chance to repair our relationship because I didn't give him the chance to cope with the situation his own way.
Maybe you need to open up a dialogue with him about how this loss is really affecting him. He may be blaming himself...
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I know I wouldn't be able to deal with that, and you're a strong woman for doing so.
Another thougt I had was, men have a strange way of dealing with a loss..they're not going to understand what it's like to miscarry but they do experience some sort of grief. So him brushing it off like it's nothing, and giving you zero comfort is his odd way of grieving. It's him saying, "It wasn't meant to be so best to move on." He also doesn't really know what to say as far as words of comfort go.
Give him the benefit of the doubt, sit him down and really talk about how this miscarriage makes you feel. Ask him to comfort you while you are grieving, and even show him how he can comfort you.
Now, if he refuses to do any of it. Then you might want to rethink this relationship.
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A
female
reader, harleygirl2010 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 I am so sorry to hear this. That is a really hard thing to handle. I've never gone through it myself but i have heard stories of it and the grief that came with it. I can't believe your bf was so insensitive to you like that. He is a cruel jerk. I can't believe he said those things to you. I hope you get to feeling better. I would dump him and move on. With what he said to you he doesn't deserve you. good luck hun. God bless you.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Any man who believes a child's death was fated while his partner is crying her eyes out deserves to be alone. It was cold and cruel behavior, it was inconsiderate and rather foolish. A man like this is not someone you want to continue having a relationship with. You need someone who will care for your very heart and soul while you breaking, this man is nothing you need.
You are in grief and that is understandable but obviously your boyfriend is useless or insensitive to this sort of thing and that might be because he has been through this before but that is no excuse to attempt to tell you such things, it almost sounded as though he was subtly slipping some blame towards you, you don't need that.
I hope that helps.
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