A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Hi,I have been dating a man long distance for 6 months now. The first 4 months were great, bliss actually but since then some things in his life have happened that have caused him absolute stress and grief. He was ordered by the courts to hand over a large sum of money to his ex-wife and he moved house. On top of that his father died suddenly. These three things happened within the space of a month and since then things have changed between us. The main thing being that he has not visited me since his father died (I live 1.5hour flight away).When I am with him I can tell that he is trying his best to be 'there' but he is clearly emotionally messed up at the moment and is unable to express love to me and not just verbally but through the little things like touching etc. that just come naturally. I am finding it hard to be with an emotionally distant person because an ex of mine from 4 years ago was emotionally distant as well being an alcoholic. I just want someone to be open with me and to be very loving and that is not what I am getting. Sometimes I think that I am in love with him and I think about him all of the time but I am deeply dissapointed with how things are going. I know that it is no-one's fault but I thought I was getting into a relationship where I was really cared about and supported (that's how the relationship started) but it's not like that now. I was sick recently for 10 days and I heard from him every second day with him checking up on me but since I am better I hear from him only 3 times per week which makes things very hard considering we are long distance. I am not usually needy but I need more than this and I know that he can't give it to me at the moment. Am I doing the right thing by staying with him? If we can get through this tough time will our relationship be stronger? Or is this damaging the relationship? Any advice would be mmuch appreciated.
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alcoholic, ex-wife, his ex, long distance, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 Let's cut to your questions: "Am I doing the right thing by staying with him? If we can get through this tough time will our relationship be stronger? Or is this damaging the relationship?"
1.""Am I doing the right thing by staying with him?" IF you can endure the turmoil that you have described, then YOU are being a great partner by "being there" for him when he most needs outside strength (you!).... and that leads to:
2. "If we can get through this tough time will our relationship be stronger?" Probably. And....
3. "...is this damaging the relationship?" It's certainly AFFECTING the relationship.... but only YOU can decide if it's damaging the relationship FOR YOU. If you and he haven't had some of the B/F;G/F discussions that are "typical" between B/Fs and G/Fs.... especially when one or both is/are in turmoil.... then NOW is the time to have them.... They will surely clear the air and you and B/F can decide if you (and he) can endure this bumpy road, or if you (and he) feel that this marks the time for you two to part ways...
Good luck....
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