A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently posted a question regarding my feelings after my girlfriend broke up with me, due to her going away to study at University, and didn't think she'd have time for 'us'.She is studying far away, and our realtionship was long distance in the first place, and we met up many times, and really enjoyed the time we shared. For me, letting that die would be like letting her die, and I don't think I can do it.A lot of people have told me that there is nothing I can do, and should try to move on. I would really like to fight for her, but it's been just over 3 months now since she broke up with me, and we haven't spoken in maybe, just over a month now.I feel too fragile to talk to her. I don't want to hear about what she's doing if she isn't with me, and any time we did talk after the split she would always sound angry at me (Forgive what I say here, but; She sounded a bit like her mother towards her father who split up some years ago)Recently, one person has said that it would be easy for me to not give up. Do you agree? Because as far as I can see, I'm fighting a battle that is long since lost. What can I do?? I love her so much, and I can't have her!
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2007): Hello, I feel your pain, I am going through somewhat of a similar situation.
I think that it's atleast worth putting up a little bit of fight so even if in the end things don't work out between you two that you know you tried your hardest to make things work out with her. You say that she always sounded mad when you would talk after the break-up, well, maybe for some reason you two are not communicating well, communication truly is a learned technique, it is very difficult to communicate well. I think it is worth telling her your feeling/thoughts throught maybe a letter or email, that way she is just purely listening to what your saying. Try to use words that really express to her how your feel. When you are teling her what you think make sure to not belittle, mock, or imitate her, those are some things that will just shut her down from you. You mentioned your afraid to talk to her because you are too fragile right now, well, maybe she needs to hear how fragile your are, maybe she needs to hear that emotion from you, its o.k. to cry to her, that will only show her how much you care.
And if you try your hardest to make things work and she still wants to remain not in contact with you than you just probably need to think about letting her go. And maybe it will only be temporary, maybe it wont, but atleast you tried. Good luck.
A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (26 September 2007):
That is such a hard thing you're going through & I truly feel for you.
A couple of things you can do for yourself:
1. Realise that heartbreak is called heartbreak for a reason - because it does feel like you're heart is actually ripping in two. It physically hurts. But this is perfectly natural & normal... and as much as it sucks nuts, heartbreak is something we all go through. The hard part is that you'll tell yourself that NO-ONE really does get it - that no-one can ever know what you truly had. And that's true... but we've all felt that too.
2. Realise that everyone goes through this --- there's a even a song called "everybody hurts"... you are far from alone. Sometimes just knowing you're not alone can help.
But, the big thing to realise is that at the moment it's a losing battle... but that doesn't mean you're not going to be together again further down the track.
I left my partner to travel overseas. I didn't ever want to do what my mum did which was look back and say "I was going to do X... but then I met your father". For me, that 'X' was travelling overseas for 2 years. And I did it. And it broke my heart leaving him.
BUT there was an upside ---- I didn't get back with him, but I met someone later that was even more perfect for me... and I never imagined that that would be possible because the guy I left did seem to be so right - I couldn't imagine I'd be so lucky twice. But I was because love's possibilities are more infinite than we allow ourselves to realise.
Your story may work out differently --- for you guys, it may be that you DO reunite when she's done her studies. But it may be that you meet someone before that where this won't even be an issue. Or it may be that you meet someone later down the track.
At the moment, you need to feel that being together again is a possibility to keep yourself going. So do believe it - because it IS a possibility, but keep in mind the wise adage of "God grant me to accept the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can & the wisdom to know the difference."
You can't change it at the moment - she's away studying & that's how it needs to be for her. If you can make any changes to better your situation, then make them.
If you truly can't do anything, just feel your pain & accept that it's normal & natural to want her & miss her... but it will get better. DO talk about how you're feeling - whether it be here, with friends or a counsellor but keep get your feelings out so you can get support while you're going through this.
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