A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I just stop making myself feel awful thinking about my ex boyfriend all the time? It's been 11 months since the break up. Happened because I found out he'd been seeing other women throughout our 2 n half years together. It completely disgusts me when I think about the times I waited for him to get back home (we lived together for 1 and 1/2 years). We were in touch and did meet quite a few times till June this year. I was away for a month and when I got back he wanted to come visit me, but I made it pretty plain I didn't want him to come. But he went on about how he would come etc. Anyway, the day he was supposed to come, he didn't- big surprise there- didn't expect him to, am glad i didn't cancel plans with my friends on his account. So anyway, two weeks ago I told him I didn't want to speak to him till I got an explanation about everything that happened (I never got any- not one year ago, not now)and if he couldn't care to give one then I really couldn't be bothered with him. He's called a couple of times but I haven't received them. I am so fed up thinking about him. I don't even like him anymore, he creeps me out when I think about everything he's done. So why am I feeling so bad lately? I just don't get it...
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female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Your ex fulfilled your emotional need to feel wanted so that you can feel good about yourself. So every call, every contact, every "he's gone, now he's back, over and over again" scenario fills that void in you. It's a tough thing to need someone else to make you feel special, because you are a victim of their whim about wanting you. You can't let go of being wanted by them, even if it's only 2 days a month because you crave it to feel good about yourself. Feeling good about yourself without needing a guy to make you feel that way takes alot of self awareness about what makes you happy in life,and th patience to let life unfold until someone caring comes along. Self esteem comes with feeling good about your life because you live it your way. Are you living your life your way? Do you do activities you love, eat the food you love to eat, live where you want to live? Are you your own woman? Do your parents opinions and directives rule your life? Believe me, obsessing about an ex will seem laughable when you are your own woman, living life her way, and only listening to your own innate wisdom. Focus on believing in yourself, and no man will be cheating on you and getting a chance to be in your life for very long!
A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Maybe because you haven't experienced a proper decent relationship to compare it to?
This guy isn't going to make you happy, that much you know, and thats why you dont particularly like the guy.
Only thing i can say is well done for getting out of it. And much like someone thats given up smoking, keep focusing on the fact it wasn't ever gonna do you any good and you need to never go there again!
Forget about explanations. You dont need any. He is an immature bozo that isn't ready to settle down with a grown woman. Simple as that. Nothing else to know. And he isn't mature enough to know that himself yet.
Soon you will meet someone mature. But only if you go out there and meet new people.
Then you will only remember him as a distant bad memory.
C xxxxx
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