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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I am confused about the behaviour of my father towards me and our relationship. He likes to have so much intamicy with me, though I am a boy, that I feel uncomfortable and strangled in his emotional confinement. Also as I remember about my teenage days, my father used to show his affection towards me in a strange way. He would get me close to his body and touch my upper body (not genitals). I didn't like this and would try to go away. But he would use his force or give an excuse that he was just showing his affection and it was quite normal. I was not strong enough to resist him and so would succumb under his demands.I want to know if his behaviour was normal when showing affection to me or did he sexually abused me ? What do I do to resist his demands to be very intimate in my relationship with him? I have grown up now and I feel I need to have my own privacy and space for my own. Also my behaviour towards my male friends is influenced by my relationship with my father. I tend to get too much intimate with them and sometimes I get remarks of being a gay. This is not true as I do not get attracted by men. But at the same time, I give away control to other men very easily, especially to those men who are dominant like my father. How do I overcome this behaviour? This has always been the case for me and I am not able to take my stand against my father. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, missdee +, writes (23 September 2005):
Someone should never feel uncomfortable with their parents touch. I don't know exactly what your father did to make you feel uncomfortable, but the fact is he did. Since this has carried with you into adulthood, i'm sure you need some professional help to deal with this.
Counciling should help you be able to deal with your father now. You must take a stand. Tell him you love him and you know he loves you but that that kind of touching makes you feel uncomfortable. He may not know. If he does know, or if he continues avoid seeing him.
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx  +, writes (21 September 2005):
 This behvaiour may or may not have been completely innocent but if you were unhappy with it, and he knew that, he should not have continued. Nobody, no matter who they are, has the right to do something to us that makes us feel uncomfortable or unhappy.
I understand how this has affected you in the long term, as most anguish from our childhood does. I think professional help may be a good idea for you now, to understand the way you feel and start to change it if you are unhappy. Problems with our mental well being and perceptions of others like this don't go away overnight and you need help to get over what's really bothering you.
After this, you may even feel confident enough and stable enough to talk to your father about what happened when you were younger. Whatever you do, keep your head up, and good luck :)
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