A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, after so many relationships obviosly not succecful I am alone again, the reason why i am concerned is cos i am 28 soon 29 and despared for settling with the right person and have kids, but for some reason seems I do push people away, is it cos I just accept everithing they chuck at me, take everything with out agrument and try to settle with that person for any price? In the first place I do find hard to find the right person to start the relationship, non smoking person with sensibly drinking attitud is must, good job and caring if posible, so here I am asking why this people dont want to stay with me, may be cos I am virgin?Thanks Jaklina Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2007): Well, there are several things to consider here.
First, where do you meet the men you've been dating? In clubs? Bars? social events? Online? (Hint: if at bars, you are probably not going to find too many who are seriously looking for a long-term relationship).
Second, you need to look at your own behavior and what motivates it. You say you accept everything that gets thrown at you, without argument, and try to appease them, at any price. Why?
You can differ with someone without necessarily getting into an argument, you know! You are entitled to your own opinions and to stand up for yourself if someone is dishing out unwarranted criticism! On the other hand, if you really have done something to upset the other, and you know it, well, being criticized or having someone be annoyed at you under those circumstances is a different matter!
HOWEVER, insults, name calling, and so on, are NEVER justified, even if you are genuinely in the wrong about something!
What about your family background and growing up? Did you perhaps somewhere along the line get the idea (though not explicitly stated by your parents) that you would never amount to much, or have a sense of your own self-worth? Childhood upbringing and our own experiences since can and do have an influence, for good or bad, on the way we think of ourselves and how we relate to others, and what our expectations are!
Then, too, its important to slowly get to know a guy who has a similar outlook on life to your own; who has similar values and background, and whose company you enjoy, and who will treat you with courtesy and respect, and want to spend time with you, doing activities you both enjoy.
No, you won't find a "perfect" match! There's always going to be some things you may not like, but the bottom line is whether overall his good qualities outweigh the bad ones!
Have you thought about exploring some of the issues mentioned here in therapy? That could give you a good "grounding" in finding a compatible guy, and a happy life.
Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (25 July 2007):
 The last thing u should ever sound in life is desperate coz this way u earn more sadists than sympathisers. So my dear Jaklina, does 28 seem to be the age at which a woman should lose hopes of marriage? If u thought so, better think again coz each one of us is unique in one way or another. But to try and tackle the problem,i really have a feeling u are looking for Mr. Perfect rather than Mr.Right! This can nevr happen in any body's world. Try to be realistic in your search for a partner and people will surely come ur way. The biggest difference btwn married women and single ladies is that the marrieds simply looked out for a few things like love and masculinity while for single dames consider money, looks which are very scarce in most of the unmarried guyz. This is coz most men actually get rich as they try to work hard in supporting their families. So to land a stable relate, try to revise what u are looking for in a probable father of your kids.
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