A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I feel weird about my bfs exes. My bf was my first and I was his fifth and some days I don't think about it, but when I do it makes me very uncomfortable and sad. I worry he compares me and wishes I do stuff like his exs. He particularly finds fingering sexy and I hate doing it, so I feel like im slowly losing my self esteem in the bedroom. I don't feel sexy anymore and I don't take control anymore :( Help. xx
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ex girlfriend, fingering, his ex, self esteem Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): You had a choice. You could have chosen a guy who would make you be his first also right? What on earth made you think he deserves someone like you? A thought to ponder: Would you trust a driver to drive you to your destination if you knew he had a history of having crashed five different cars already and injured his passangers in the process? What gurantee is there that he'll offer you a safe journey? Yeah past is the past but remember that our futures are often times heavily dictated by the past and just merely dismissing them as history is just naive. What your so-called boyfriend needs is not a sixth girlfriend but some time alone to evaluate himself and become mature, be a man and take the lead his relationships by loving, respecting and honoring women who he holds close to his heart. Cut your losses. Leave him. He needs to grow up. You need to find a fresh new driver who is careful in driving your car the way you like and wants to arrive at the same destination as you.
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 November 2011):
 My boyfriend was my first and I was his 5th also.
I don't really give it much thought. I know for a fact that I meant the most, and that I'm his first true love which trumps all the other girls.
If your boyfriend is doing something to you in the bedroom that you don't like, TELL HIM! Then maybe you two can discover something else that you BOTH enjoy. Sex is about the enjoyment of the two involved, and it should never be one sided like you're saying.
I also think that you should talk to him about this, and tell him what you told us, that you're feeling insecure. Maybe you two should sit down and talk about what you find sexy in each other. List them and explain why. Hopefully it will give you some more confidence and not feel too down about yourself :)
Good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 More and more young people are being intimate with more and more people. I guess it is hard for you because he is your first, but every partner is different and everyone has there good and there bad. If he was not happy with you he would not be with you and sex is only a part of a relationship, sex does not make a relationship neither is it the most important part of a relationship. There is always room to improve with a partner, just talk to him, ask him what he wants. The biggest turn on for a man in the bedroom is confidence, if a woman is confidant then they will come across as a real turn on. So don't start losing it now or else your sex life will die. You just need to forget about his past partners, they are in the past for a reason, you are his present now, and he is with you because he wants to be with you, you need to accept that and leave the past where it belongs.
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A
female
reader, Lolly_Poll +, writes (14 November 2011):
I sometimes have the same problem with my boyfriend, but what you have to remember is that they are EX-girlfriends. He's with you now, because he wants and loves you. Don't try to be his exes, because he loves you for you. There's nothing wrong with experimenting in the bedroom, but only if you both want to. Be proud of who you are. Your boyfriend loves YOU. But talk to him, tell him how you feel. He probably hasn't realised, and will be able to reassure you :) Enjoy :) xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): Hmmm.
Do you not like fingering because this is your first time being sexually intimate with anyone?
Do you not like it because you are angry and resentful because of your insecurity and think maybe you will punish him for his past?
Has the BF EVER let on he is disatisfied with you in ANY WAY?
By what you write; I will say you do not have the maturity and self esteem weither you are with the BF or not and its more of an inner struggle and you let a 'worry' or irrational fear get the better and self sabotage yourself out of any happiness.
Question is, why do you think you do the self sabotage?
Sometimes we feed our insecurities and fear to the point they become self fulfilling prophecy.
So stop all the unnecesssary worry and nip the self sabotage in the backside by FOCUSING Positive energy on What you DO HAVE.
Currently, you have someone in your life, a BF. Its the time of season where we should be joyful and thankful for all we have.
Focus on you are now the Centre of his Universe. When you are in his arms, he is thinking of just you, touching just you, kissing just you.
And you focus on just loving him, touching him, kissing him. Be in the now, the moment, make it yours.
Also seek some counselling to boost your self esteem and further give you the new perspective you are a worthy individual that deserves love and happiness.
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