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I'm afraid if we hook up I'll disappoint him

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Question - (31 December 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 4 April 2011)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

OK So I will keep this short. There is this guy I like. Lets call him "Kevin" Anyways Kevin has been with a lot of girls. He was always the hook up type. Now he has decided to start looking for a relationship. I know he is serious because he has stopped having sex for several months which is big for him. I havent met him yet, but we txt every day. We have started liking eachother. Because we are just friends he still tells me about his life and I do to (other interest as well) He sometimes tells me about girls he is interested in, but says that he cant see himself having a future with them so he doesnt want to try. He says I may be different. What Im confused about is: At times he tells me I'm the perfect girl, he likes me and wants to see what happens between us, if you are the girl for me. But at other times he seems to kinda down play his feelings for me by saying stuff like well is it weird if i like a girl and want to hook up with her but want to be friends.. SO im confused. Also random but still, he has been with a lot of girls...I'm afraid if we hook up i will disappoint him. Any advice on that?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks...he and I are going to prom together and he wants me to be his girlfriend. :)

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (1 January 2011):

TasteofIndia agony auntIf he wants a relationship, then that means he is interested in dating you? Getting to know you a bit?

I guess my best advice is if you want to have a real relationship, you can go on a couple of dates (or as ever many as you feel right about) before sleeping together. Try to get to know each other a little bit. If he does not want to date you, then it sounds like he's looking for a FWB. Don't let yourself fall into that, especially if you like him. FWB is not a relationship!!

I would be careful... if he wants to put in the effort, give him a chance. But you do not have to have sex with him! (And if you do make sure it is safe, especially since he is the "hook up type"!!) Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2011):


Right away I can sense that things are at a great risk here simply because youve never met him. Ill say with respect to this guy, you can say anything you want online and be anyone. For all you know Im not 6'4 and 240lbs and am a woman who is 5'5 and whatever ;p I wouldnt take this guys words to be genuine at all. His actions of not sleeping with anyone for awhile is a good step to showing he may be the relationship type. Im not one to focus on one's past at all, im just hesitant to take people's words to heart. Do your best in person to check out his genuineness i e look at his body language, his tone of voice, etc. These are key things that help the opposite sex figure each other out in many ways.

Now, as for the fear of being compared to other girls in his past. You will feel tempted to ask for details and at this point it absolutely makes no sense to do so because you two have already established feelings for each other. Therefore, when one's past is disclosed you can risk jealousy, hate, and even be very upset with the person and end up judging him or her. Focus on the big picture: That is, he is with you now and only wants you and no other girl. Good luck.

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